Suicide? Not yet...

This is my opening remark... "I hate my professors in trigo, adv algeb, and solid geom...
I hate those people to the very point of insanity.

You know another thing I hate?
I really hate it when the people who cheat pass rather than the people who worked their asses off just to pass but unfortunately fail.
I guess there's nothing to say but I'm a complete idiot.
And according to a thesaurus, I'm a blockhead, a bonehead, a cretin, a dimwit, a dumbbell, a dunce, a fool, an ignoramus, an imbecile, a jerk, a moron, a nincompoop, a ninny, a nitwit, a pinhead, a simpleton, stupid, tomfool, and a twit.

Consultation day.. I arrived at school with no worries at my side. Why? Because I know I did my best during the final examinations. Not just my best but everything my brain contained up to the last variable of an equation. I thought I was going to pass but I was wrong. Dead wrong.

1st consultation.. Advance Algebra.. In this subject I really gave everything.. and when I read the list of final grades, I had a quick chill to my spine.. I failed. I looked at my test results.. I passed the final examinations with a high mark but it simply couldnt handle my low results from the early quizzes.. And so the start of my day was a complete disaster.

2nd consultation.. Solid Geometry.. this was my 2nd disaster.. students we're packed outside the room like sardines.. The air literally smelled like sardines.. and when I saw the results.. Another shot right down to my chest.. another failure.. Damn.. I'm such an idiot.. Pretty much from here I was getting paranoid.. I saw everyone around me laughing and smiling... I was getting jealous of them so I just smiled with them to hide the product of my supreme stupidity..But inside, I wanted to die at the very spot I was standing on.. I wanted my existence to cease at that very moment... literally...

3rd and last consultation... Trigonometry.. The professor who had a breath worse than a public toilet that was left unflushed for weeks.. The professor who made jokes that only he understood.. The professors who I really wanted to hit his face with a laptop or better yet a door.. in this subject, I still managed to gather my composure.. the room was packed with students one more.. He made everybody line up so he could show everyone their respective grades.. Oxygen in the room was running low and so is my composure.. Finally it was my turn... He showed my grade and suddenly everything stopped... everyone was quiet in my mind... every disturbance dissappeared.. all left was me and that paper containing my grade.. another failure.. now at 3 failures, I was close to breaking down...

I rushed outside as quick as possible... I went to the nearest C.R. to gather what was left of my sanity.. fortunately, I was still in control.. I rushed home.. ignoring everything.. ignoring everyone.. my mind, a complete blank..

When I got home, no one was around.. I threw my bag at the sofa and locked myself at my room..
I tried to cry that afternoon but what was weird is that no tears went out my eyes... I just fell asleep trying to gather the tears out my eyes... That night, I was really on the verge of suicide.. All this time, I was trying to make fun of suicidal idiots.. but I was becoming one of them.. I was ready to end everything that night.. I even made a suicidal note.. I was going to slit my wrist but then a tear ran down my eye... I dropped the razor.. I started crying like never before... Years worth of keeping my tears to myself suddenly went out... I cried the whole night trying to blame everything on me and then on God and then back on me once more.. I fell asleep...

I woke up but this time it felt like I was numb...