I'm so sorry...

Note: Ignore this post if you must, I just have to get this out of my chest

so here goes:

So I was reading my friendster inbox which was 25 pages i think
While I was surfing I found some mail
that I didn't know I received
and to think that something was wrong between us for years

At first I sent a mail saying the following (translated in English):
"What's the problem?
for the past days you didn't reply.
I can take a hint if you want this to stop.
If you just want for us to be over just say it.
I don't want the silent treatment.
This is my last message to you,
If you don't reply to this
then I get the message
Goodbye... maybe not?"

I sent that message back when I was still a sophomore high school student
which I think was back in 2005
So it's been how long?! 3 years?!

Then I found at that she did reply saying (also translated in english):
"I'm so sorry
I've been really busy the past few days
I don't want this to end between us,
I still love you and I hope you still love me back.
I hope we could still work this out
I love you... Hope you can understand...."

After reading her message, I was so pissed at myself
I didn't realize that she was having problems herself
I just ignored her for the past few years
and now I don't know what happened to her...

I hope she could forgive me
for the thing I did
I should have first what she was going through...
Maybe we really can work this mess out

Finally I got that out of my chest...
A good slumber to all...

Either I'm hurt or somethings wrong

I don't know why
But why is it that when I look at you
I don't feel that same feeling
That I always felt before

Maybe your just hiding something from me
maybe your just tired of me
is this the end?

I'm always hurt
why does it always happen?
I'm always underestimated
though they don't know my potential
I'm getting tired of this people
who likes to torment my life

They don't know what I feel
when they always torment me
Though I persevere to achieve what I want
Something always seem to pull me down

"Back to reality ^^"

well I just said those thing above because of a particular person
I'm really getting tired of being always trying to be around her
She treats me like nothing
She never even gave thanks to the things I did for her

Should I just end it?
Should I just stop?

I hate it when I always do my best to impress people
though they don't even look at me
It feels like I'm making a fool of myself

But... I can't forget about her
I'm seriously in love
though I say I'm getting sick of her,
she never fades in my mind

maybe time will come when the right person will come...
maybe not...
who knows...

Before I end it with her I'll ask this serious question
"Do we have a chance?"
if she says no, then I bid farewell to her

"what a complete waste of post that I just did..."

College Life so far...

Well as always college life will never be easy.
It will always give us challenges daily.
Before graduation, we must go through hell and suffer for some years.

Though challenges will never go away, friends will always be there to stay.
Friends that always support each other and will understand any problem that each has.
Feel's like I'm just repeating what I said from my previous posts though I don't get tired of the idea of unity in my head.

Should we always say goodbye to the people we once called friends and say hello to the new people who are willing to be there.
I thought I had friends who were willing to be there till the final breath, though I was wrong because they were only thinking of themselves.
I should have known before that they were only their if you would stick to them yet just because of my hectic schedule they stabbed me in the back.
Painful as it may seem, I must go on and stop thinking about the past for it's not worth sobbing about.

A few more weeks, and the semester is over.
My only problem is that my grade in drawing and English will cause my schedule to be irregular.
I must do my best even if I don't have the luxury of time to pass those subjects because I made a promise that in the next semester I will still be a part of class 1-4.
I also asked this specific person to join us next semester because a lot of the chemical engineering students will leave us because it's part of the new curriculum.
I can't disappoint her or my class.

I can't believe that I'm saying this but I actually thank my P.E. class for the wondrous time I had.
I met new people, very interesting people I must say.
I made new friends with some of this people and to tell you the truth, they seem to understand me more than the previous friends I had.
But the most important person that I met is this girl I met in this class.
At first we really didn't know each other or even look at each other.
Yet because of a particular activity, we suddenly met each other and now it looks like we're the best of friends.
Still in my thoughts, I could never seem to get the image of her face out of my thoughts.
Could I be in love once again?
I'll just let God decide that.

Been a while since I last posted so I guess this will make up for that.
A good night to all and I hope that you all enjoy reading my blog.

Farewell for now...

Disaster: managed to avoid it barely

Well all I could say for now is "WTF its over I could finally go home early. Finally I could have my regular schedule back for the love of god."

We finally we performed our piece for our Phist project.
Though everything was going so smooth we still made some
errors when we said the line "Isang Phoenix, ang bumangon sa abo ng nakalipas"
for that line we didn't use a real phoenix as props (of course we didn't use a phoenix
for they don't exist).
Instead we used a bird or to be precise a dove and colored it with red poster paint.
Though we talked that we will just raise the dove at that line though instead of raising it,
it was thrown upwards and because it was painted with poster paint it cannot fly making
it drop like a rock.
Poor dove but on the lighter side it managed to survive the fall and the dove's fine now.

Some of our audience who was also our classmates claimed that our delivery of the speech was alright and to some, it was great.
Well for certain, they're reactions don't matter because only our professor in Phist is grading our piece.
Finally a well deserved rest, I miss going home at 12 in the afternoon and to not stay at school ground until 6 in the evening.

I just hope that we did okay in our work and that we managed to do a good job.
Kind of sad to know that the first semester is coming to an end, everything is happening all so fast.
Goodbyes are always so painful to me yet to some they don't feel a thing.
Could they be just some heartless fools? or people who just shut their emotions for they don't want to be hurt anymore.

I wonder what are my assignments for tuesday because i really spoiled my weekend by enjoying it.

Goodbye to the piece "Pilipino Isang Depinisyon".
by "Abgd. Ponciano Pineda"
We will miss you for the memories you gave to our group.
The bonds between just got more tighter because of this piece.
Though We may forget each stanza and each line, the memories of friendship and hard work will stay in our hearts until the end of time.

A Good and peaceful night to all.

Sabayang Pagbigkas: a major disaster

only a few more days and its time to perform
today is Sunday and Friday is the deadline
and to tell you all the status of our progress, we're really on the verge of failing Philippine history.
Life throws another one at me and as always, I have to catch it.
Were really working rush time here, from the dismissal at 12pm we work until the sun goes down.
Were working very hard though I find some people not really dedicated to finishing this piece.
Just because the piece is 2 pages long (yes 2 pages long and on a long bond paper) it doesn't mean that we should give up the fight.
We may be on the verge of failure but I know that we still have a chance to pass this irritating subject.
Also some of us is a scholar student so we can't afford to fail this one.

Instead of giving me cookies, life gives me nails lots and lots of them.
Though I'm really getting jealous of the other groups because they seem to have a very large progress than our group.
Though I trust my group mates 100% that we will finish this piece with flying colors.

I wonder what life will throw at me next?
Teamwork is really hard to attain if all of the members has different visions
What we need is dedication to only one goal and cooperation and what will have is success.
We can do this I swear. Go Go Go!

"Individually, We are one drop. Together, we are an ocean."

The price of hardwork...

months seem to pass by so quick
I remember when I asked my friend before how long was he together with his Girlfriend,
he said 8 months.
then I asked him the same question a few days ago he said 10 months.
I was really surprised to know that two months has already passed.
Time was passing by so fast that it seems to leave me behind.

Only a few more weeks before Finals.
A few more weeks and I have to leave some of my trusted classmates.
Saying goodbye is so painful especially to the person you like or better yet, you love.
Though with all the work that never seems to stop, I find it hard to find some time for myself.

Because of all the tons of work that I always have to do, problems with my friends rose up.
It seems that their already leaving me behind.
It's like I'm starting to be invisible.
Is it my fault I always have to do schoolwork?
Is it my fault I could never find time for myself and to you guys?

Maybe this is the price I have to pay if I hope to success.
Guess I have to say goodbye to them also.
Though some of my friends are starting to leave me behind, I still found new people who understands my hectic life.
Those are the people I should trust and support.

True friends are the ones who will never abandon you no matter what,
they are the ones who should understand you and what your problems are
they are the ones who will be with you till the angel of death arrives.

So I bid farewell to the people I used to call my friends
We had good times and also bad times
If you can't really understand what I'm going through, Its ok because I'm not going to give a damn about your problems also.
If by any chance we pass by, I'm just going to ignore you just like the way you abandoned me.
If you ask for my help, there is a 98% chance that I will just turn my back.
Goodbye, Farewell, so long to the precious memories, now I'm going to bury those memories 6 feet under.

I feel so happy now that I've got that out of my chest.
I'm just going to face head on anything life throws at me.
I'll catch anything life throws no matter how much hard it may seem.
I'll do it all just to success.
What a very expensive price I must say.