Standing on the ledge...

This month has been a slow one for me. So many cramming sessions but majority of those just ended up in futility. No matter how much hours you tried to pour all your blood, sweat, and tears at those equations, all failure awaited at the end.

Since Valentines Day, we were given a ton of school work and also a ton of mediocre tests. It seems I have the feeling of experiencing summer classes for the very first time. During my elementary and High School days, I usually receive if not very good, adequate grades but I never experienced failing a subject.

People around me act like summer classes are no big deal. For them, its no difference whether they add another few months for their 5 year majors. For me, its a huge deal. I have the kind of mentality that if I take summer classes, people will look down at me. I feel as if they will think of me as an idiot who failed 1 or 2 courses in his major. That is the reason why I never want to fail.

But how can one focus at his critical courses if he has to deal with other matters also? Wherein every course tries to move at the pace of the most difficult courses. How can one manage those kind of problems?

This is where I'm starting to think if this major is really not my calling. But shifting to other majors is not an option now. I'll just to face head on what kind of tortures will those professors give me.

So now I stand at this ledge. hundreds of feet from the ground. This is what will determine my unknown faith. If I fail, I will fall to the ground and splatting to a million pieces. If I pass, someone will pull me from the ledge and once again give me a fighting chance. But the idea of falling is already starting to solidify in my mind. Is this the end?

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Everything is moving at unparalleled speeds. I'm being left behind by them. Though I ask for a little boost, they won't even turn their backs... Even just for a little help...