Burning City Lights.

You're no different

2010-05-12T23:58:00.005+08:00

Warning: Contains drama hidden in unusual words.

"You can try your best to keep me stuck to the floor but whatever you say won't keep me down."

Have a pinch of reality you obnoxious blind sighted piece of vile. You're no different from the infected flock. You're just like them, hypocritical, insane, and a disclaimer of the factualness.

Claim me as the patron saint of fiasco, the perjurer. Chafe me of my halcyon if you dare but I caution you, I have enough equanimity to last for quite some time. But in the end, you will never win on keeping me chapfallen.

I never carried out propositions that I have never comprehended. So I'm fully aware of my actions and I never regret a single portion of it. If you claim that I was a kook for omitting you, then let it be so rather than let me masquerade such a welcoming face until god knows when.

Short but informing is what I say. If you catch my drift, then I give you an audience worth of applause.

Before the Worst..

2010-04-17T17:44:00.006+08:00

Alright, summer classes has officially began and I'm pretty sure I'll forget to write here once lectures start to get busy. So before I forget what day it is, I just like to say that I do have a story to write now. It's under progress and still on some yellow papers (more like 1 paper). Anyway, I don't know when will that be finished since I'm always lazy and of course a little bit of school everyday. Mostly lazy though.

As for the promised story, I'm not sharing any plots for now since I have a lot of plots on mind. All I can say is that it's about a lost and found love. Well sorry if it's about love. What can I do? I'm in love.

I know we all have different tastes in music so please bear with me if you hate the songs I "currently" love. This list is not arranged in any specific order. You'll probably won't ask me why I love these songs so I won't put any explanations why. Oh yeah, I'll also be adding some old tracks I used to love that I learned to love again.

1. Before The Worst by The Script

2. Breakeven by The Script

3. An Anthem For The Young At Heart by Amber Pacific

4. Everything's Magic by Angels & Airwaves

5. Stars by Callalily

Magbalik by Callalily

7. Belle Of The Boulevard by Dashboard Confessional

8. The Motions by Dashboard Confessional

9. Stolen feat. Juli by Dashboard Confessional

10. With A Smile by Eraserheads

11. Crush Crush Faint by Linkin Park & Paramore Mashup

12. My Last Semester by The Wonder Years

13. King Of Wishful Thinking by New Found Glory

14. Do Or Die by Forever The Sickest Kids

15. Anywhere But Here by Mayday Parade

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I still have lots but I didn't put them up since they would probably take me hours to put up all of them. :)

Untitled

2010-04-11T18:03:00.005+08:00

I wrote this story months ago. It was supposed to be a school work a friend of mine begged for me to do for his English class or something. Anyways, I've thought maybe some of you wanted to read this. This has no title I'm afraid for I had no idea on what title should I use at the time of writing. Enjoy and leave a comment if you want.

It was 2 in the afternoon and the sun was at its peak. Clean air has now been turned to the darkest smog. The once blue sky has now been turned into the bloodiest reflections. Corpses filled the road as I made my way to the only safe haven possible, the church. I saw not just one but thousands weep for their loved ones. I saw children frolicking in the church playground, not giving a care on how close death is. When I turn to the priest, he always gave a smile that tells us that everything will be alright but we all know that even he is losing faith at the almighty lord himself. For us, living in the middle of the war zone is like living in a hellhole. We live in a scenario wherein death is always behind us looking for his victim to take with him. Our riches, our homes, our trivial pursuits, we have left them all just to survive. All that we have now is our rations and our backs and a hope that rescue will come and take us away from this hellhole.

To keep us from thinking on how and when are we going to die, the priest always leaded prayers that would last for hours depending on how long will bullets fly. As we prayed for our lives, we could hear the radio operator proclaiming the same announcements over and over again. He keeps saying that there are still people left here wishing that a rescue would come. As we continued praying, the operator slammed the table with fury sending all papers in the sky. The priest gave the operator one of his famous smiles that seems to destroy any feeling of worry or fear. The operator surprisingly calmed down and quickly gathered the scattered papers and continued in summoning a rescue. While continuing with our prayers, explosions started erupting around us. The children started crying out loud while their mothers prayed like tomorrow will never come. Fathers kept their composure to show off their bravado but panicked like little children afterwards. I turned to the priest hoping that he will give me his famous calming smiles. To my surprise, he was on his knees in front of the large cross and kept on murmuring something that only he seemed to understand. I myself panicked and ran for covers under the tables and covered my ears hoping that the ringing explosions would stop. In the midst of our panicking, a child stood proud in front of the church doors and kept screaming at the area to stop with the continuous explosions. Surprisingly, the ringing explosions stopped and everything went calm once more. The priest has returned to his smiling old self and everyone returned to their daily duties like nothing have happened. The once proud child has disappeared from our sight and was never again found. The time now was 11 in the evening signaling that it was time for bed. The night was specially calm and silent. No bullets flew nor bombs exploding around us. For the first time in our life in this hellhole, we finally had a peaceful sleep.

It was 8 in the morning and we we’re woken up by grumbling children. As part of the survivors, I was forced to help serve breakfast to the others. As I boiled water in the large pot, the radio suddenly gave a loud buzz immediately calling all of our attention. The voices on the other line were hard to understand because of all the interference but the operator managed to decode the transmission. Once the transmission had ended, the operator slammed the table once more and tears fell down his eyes. The operator turned to all of us with a look of despair. He told us what the transmission contained into three words “Rescue is impossible”. We all lost hope. The operator told us that we we’re at the very middle of the war zone. Ergo, no soldier had the guts to charge in and save us all from death. The priest suddenly popped out from nowhere and suggested that we should just leave this hellhole and head for somewhere safe. The operator suggested that we should head for the hills since the closest military base is there. We all knew that our chance of surviving the journey was a long shot but we we’re out of options so we all agreed. All of us didn’t know that the journey ahead would end up killing us all in an instant.

The time was 1 in the afternoon and everything was packed. The journey towards the hill was exactly a 3 hour walk from the church. All of us we’re exactly 20 people including me. As we all made our way through the streets, the priest held his rosary tightly and prayed hard as he could. Some of the mothers tried to pray with him but it seems that the priest didn’t give any attention to them. Continuing our walk down the streets, we could see dozens of corpses around us. Tanks, guns, ammo, med kits, they we’re everywhere but no sign of life even showed up. The smell of death was horrid. If there was anything alive besides us, it would be the flies gathering around the rotting corpses. I and other children were ordered to close our eyes to avoid us from seeing the complete horrors of war. I couldn’t see a thing and when I try to peek, one of the mothers would immediately grab my hand and cover my eyes again. All I know is that the smell was too horrid too describe.

After a while, they finally told us to open our eyes. The scenery now is cleaner than before. We couldn’t see a single corpse lying around the streets. There we’re no instruments of war standing in the streets to strike us with fear. There was nothing, just a continuous silence a constant fear that something might pop out from nowhere and kill us all. Still, we continued with our journey which was only half an hour left. We we’re at the very entrance of town and we looked back one last time to our former homes which is now nothing but ashes. Tears ran down from our eyes while bidding farewell to our homes. We continued with our walking. We started to get more anxious since we we’re close to our destination. Suddenly, the operator screamed with joy and started pointing at a military base camp not far from here. The proud child from yesterday suddenly popped out from behind us and screamed at us to stop. We all looked back at him with anger and asked why. His answer was cold as any ice can be. “You all are walking towards your final destination”. All of us except for me laughed out loud while continuing with our walk. The boy walked back to town but I tried to chase him to tell him to come with us. While chasing him, he suddenly went in a corner and disappeared in an instant. Asking myself on how it happened, I ran back to the others to tell them what happened. When I finally chased up with the others, all of them we’re dead on the spot. The priest, the operator, fathers, mothers, children, all of them we’re dead. I looked at the perpetrators only to see a bunch of soldiers aiming their rifles at me. It seemed that the operator had led us to the enemy military base camp wherein they are all full of merciless killers. I was down on my knees crying for my life until a soldier walked towards me. He then took out a pistol and shot me at point blank.

And this is our tale. We should have followed the child’s advice and turn back but we let our own feelings took over the best of us and led us to our own bloody grave.

A Guy's Lament

2010-04-10T19:06:00.003+08:00

Firstly, I apologize for my absence from writing. I'll try to make it up to you guys.

===========================================
This is dedicated to all the "Nice Guys" who never get anything more from girls than a river of tears..
===========================================

Ladies, we need to talk. We're the nice guys, the guy friends you turn to when the hottie from South Quad shatters your sophomore heart all over the Theta Xi dance florr, when "boys suck" or when he doesn't understand that living in different area codes does not constitute cheating. We've dried your tears, listened to you whine and told you it was all going to be ok. Well, we're done fitting the "Nice Guys Finish Last" stereotype. We've gotten together and decided on a few things:

First, we are sick and tired of listening to you cry, and simultaneously losing out in the girl department. How many times have we listened to you mope about finding "a nice boy who will treat me with respect," when we're standing here in front of you? Oh yeah, that's right, because you wouldn't want to "mess things up." That's the biggest bunch of crap we've ever heard. Maybe if we were as muscled and refined as Mr. Frat Boy, you'd give us a second look. Well, you know what, missy? Not all of life is like a soap opera. How long do you expect us just to sit here and listen to your life tragedies and not fall for you? Are you that blind? We are sick of being just another "girl" friend.

Secondly, cut the crap. We know what you mean; if you want us to go away for a while, tell us so. Don't lie and say it's "girl's night out." This is crap, because the minute you see a hot guy, you're suddenly "on the prowl." At least we guys are straightforward: we're either "on the prowl" or playing poker; those are our two modes. Also, if you don't like us, say so. None of this "Let's just be really good friends" malarkey; this translates from girl language to, "I'm sorry, but you're just really ugly." If we don't ask you on a date, it is because we are intimidated by you; don't make us any more nervous or anxious by rushing to be our "friend" when we like you.

Finally, if the guy are with is treating you like crap, LEAVE HIM. I know you don't want to because he is hot, in Beta, and has the "prettiest blue eyes," but HE IS A SCUM BAG. You need to wake up and see that he is a jerk. He will not get better. He will not change. We are experts in empathy (reading people), and know that people, for the most part, do not change. If he stands you up routinely, yells at you, or cheats on you, he ALWAYS WILL. Just as he will always do these things, you will always go back to him. It is like clockwork. He will effectively own you, and treat you badly, and we will cry for you because of it. Please do yourselves (and us) a favor, and let him go; don't save this one. I promise you, he is not THAT cute, and the sex is not THAT good. Nothing is worth getting hurt, and we nice guys really want to affix our steel-toed boots to their skinny Abercrombie asses.

All told, we want nothing more than to show you what a "good" guy is like. You know, that good guy your girlfriends tell you about. Well newsflash, ladies WE ARE THOSE "GOOD" GUYS. You are dealing with an untapped resource of quality date material, and we think we deserve our chance. You can't deny it; you always tell us how sweet we are, and how "romantic" our ideas are. Stop trying to hook us up with your peg-legged cousin from Timbuktu, we are friends with YOU, we want to show YOU the good time we can.

Unlike Mr. Muscles, we don't like you because your halter top is tight, and you looked nice under the strobe lights. We know the inner you; we know everything there is to know about you. Your innermost secrets have been shared with us. So we don't have the best dance moves and can't bench 250, so what? Who knows you better than us? Who can you trust with everything? That's right, ladies, us. The Nice Guys. The "boys." This ultimately leads to the question, what are you doing Saturday night?"

Play safe, play hard, and play often!

"Women cannot complain anymore about men untill
they start showing better taste in them." -- Bill Maher

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This was originally published in some other place by a guy named Matt.
I have taken the liberty of helping to distribute it to all guys/girls

Senseless as it may seem

2010-02-01T02:17:00.000+08:00

This will make no sense as to what am I about to say for I am only ventilating every random stocked up thoughts gathered up inside this mind of mine. You might as well stop reading right now if you want.

Watching years pass by, seeing those young faces turn into unbelievable sights. Innocence killed by the very truth of the world. From singing the always famous children songs to the stereotyped tracks of today. It’s a nuisance when these memoirs attack my mind as if Napoleon is strategizing this invasion. But what can I do? It’s here and it’ll always stay and I’ll have it no other way.

Putting everything else aside, why do we always wish to go back in time to that specific moment where that tiny part of our lives changed the rest of the years to come? What if it was possible? Then second chances will be a thing of the past since you can practically repeat everything at your whim. Made a mistake? No problem. Just a few presses here and there and we’re back at time to fix that little problem of yours.

If you we’re the only intelligent human on earth and the rest of humanity we’re dumb as bricks, would you accept it knowing for a fact that only you will understand and appreciate the babbles that you concoct? On a plus side, you will be undeniably claimed as the smartest human in the face of this planet.

Love… What is this sizzling word? Its literal meaning is worth at most 1 to 2 sentences and yet others can write a novel that portrays their definition of this word. Can it really move mountains? Can it really make the impossible happen? If so, then can it make a time machine?

Why must I always be driven to deep thoughts from time to time? They surely don’t need any remembering for they are more of failures than victories. Failures, fears, irrational acts, wrong decisions that made huge effects, pride over everything else, I remember them most. It brings up a pain on a mental sense. Obviously, I still have not moved over them that much as I thought. Though, I still hope for the day that I truly go pass them.

Doesn’t it feel good being praised? But when criticized, you simply ignore it or worse, contradict it with your own ideas that you think is right and make a definite point that their criticism is wrong. So what’s the point for correction if that very mistake you cannot seem to accept?

Death. The word never really gave me that special reaction. It’s more of saying “what’s new”. I mean everyone inevitably ceases to exist at some point in time. The news, the chit chat overheard from the neighbors, the very scene outside your house, it’s everywhere. It’s clichéd. In my own sense that is.

Night. Now this word I appreciate most. The peace it gives. The sudden change in climate that gives you comfort or maybe chills. The sounds you hear that will never occur when the sun is up. It’s always the perfect scene for every romantic film. Lovers intertwined under the starry blue mooned sky. As for me, I tend to get more interested in scribbling down everything I thought up. Regardless if it’s senseless or full of hidden messages that will never be decoded that will only be claimed preposterous according to the perception of others.

Cheers to the kick ass year

2010-01-11T01:16:00.001+08:00

You know that feeling where you feel days, weeks, months, or years feel like only a few days have passed? Strange?

So a new kick ass year. I don't feel any different. Except of course for putting a 10 instead of a 09 on the date (which I tend to get wrong most of the time). Resolutions? I have no idea. I don't think anything needs changing or I'm just probably too lazy to think of things to change. On second thought, maybe I will have a resolution. Maybe this year, I will be... "Unpredictable". Expect me to do something unexpected.

Yes, just like this one.

I'm wishing you guys had a good 09. God knows I didn't. Oh well.

Instead of a list of things I'll do this year, I'll just list a things I "should" have done the previous year. Not sorted in any order or whatsoever.

1. I should have given that professor a delicious cake stuffed with rat poison.

2. I should have taken a locker.

3. I should have not been a complete jerk to them.

4. I should have at least noticed her and say "hi" to that person from time to time and not ignore that person like a complete asshole.

5. I should have bought a bottle of vodka or something and hid it under my bed only to be drunk in times of emergency.

6. I should have used my guitar more often and not let it earn a noticeable amount of cobwebs.

7. I should have just taken the term "let's just be friends" as "let's talk again from time to time and not act as if we don't know each other when go past each other while walking".

8. I should have at least bought a famous book and not download an e-book like a cheap ass.

9. I should have been more conscious of my weight earlier and not just recently.

10. I should have written a book of my own entitled "College and Misery".

11. I should have been at least more noticeable and not be always on passive mode.

12. I should have created my own awesome and epic catchphrase.

13. I should have played more table tennis with people because it was awesome.

14. I should have bought more vintage shirts with my money and not -bleep-.

15. I should have made my own shirt design having the quote “I made this shirt design” and having the quote at the back “and I know you’re jealous of it”.

16. I should have given “more” help on the library paper we did.

17. I should have not let my freaking mouth speak and say “sure, I can be the leader of the group”. Or maybe not?

18. I should have bought myself some classy chocolates and let it mysteriously disappear in the fridge.

19. I should have read more books.

20. I should have done something undeniably awesome.

21. I should have been a better team mate and a leader.

22. I should have been better in DotA.

23. I should have attended the pre-sectioning earlier to get an earlier schedule.

24. I should have practiced on the drums more. If I only had a drum set of my own. Sigh

25. I should have learned how to bake cookies or a cake and gift it to some random people.

26. I should have not failed in diffcal.

27. I should have followed my schedule and not write it and ignore it afterwards.

28. I should have made an awesome alarm sound earlier which not only wakes me but the rest of the house up no matter how tired we are.

29. I should have stored my awesome previously written quotes.

30. I should have made an important to-do list written in a stone tablet.

31. I should have been more conscious on the things I spend cash on.

32. I should have been more patient in waiting for –bleep- and not take matters in my own hands and look for –bleep- on my own and eventually fail. Miserably.

33. I should have made “more” interestingly thought up original jokes.

34. I should have been posting more. If only I always knew what shit to write.

35. I should have been writing things like this the previous years so I can do them and not just write it now causing a big pile of shit undone. Oh well. We’ll laugh.

Oh yeah a friend of mine introduced a game called "Bluff/Bullshit" using playing cards. Game is sort-of simple. A person will lay down a pair of face down cards and will say what pair it is. The next person's job is to find out if the pair of face down cards are true or just bluff/lie/bullshit or true. If the guess is right, the person who put the face down cards and the rest of the remaining un-guessed cards back to his hand. Another person will lay down a new pair of cards and so on. Sounds simple? Probably. If only the person who introduced the game stopped putting new rules as the game went on and stopped playing with our minds. =))) Peace.

Season ender

2009-12-16T21:40:00.004+08:00

Months pass by so quick...
It was January and the next thing you know, it's already December.

It's time once more to spend lavishly on presents.
Presents that you give out like sweat.
It's materialistic but the feeling of giving is absent
Is this the modern definition of Christmas now?

From all corners, all I see are people whining for presents
I want this, I want that
But does it really matter?
Did the Messiah's day of birth only meant as a day for giving of material possessions?

The truth hurts but most of us are like this
We only ask for gifts but we never understand the season
We tend to think "what am I getting this Christmas?"
Instead of thinking on how Christmas saved our own faiths

I'm no exception from this misfortune
I admit I think more on presents than what the season is all about
I'm pretty sure you think of the same dilemma
We're all on the same boat now

Before we start shopping at malls
Before we start calling relatives for a big gathering
Before we empty our wallets on gifts we give out lavishly
Let's give it some thought first, what is it really about?

About a man with an overly grown beard named Santa Claus
Or about Jesus Christ who saved us all from our own sins

Just for you...

2009-12-03T23:01:00.002+08:00

Even if your name fades in my mind
Your sweet smile remains untouched
And though the years will eventually catch up
We'll always be looking back at this desired montage

Remember those childhood years?
Those years spent frolicking in the sand
The years where we never gave a care for the world
For everything that mattered was us and nothing more

But you we're always different
Someone that always stood out like a rose in a garden
Someone who treats me different unlike the rest
Someone who always cared to give me a frown than a smile

Adults call it phases but we called it rivalry
For there was never a time wherein we were at peace
Never a time where we exchanged laughs
For what we traded the most is words and fists

Cute? Back then that didn't mattered
For we we're always busy debating on superiority that never ended
But now I finally have the chance to look at your best
And I must say, I must have been blind back then

It's hard to remember someone like you
Since we parted ways at such an early age
And although no one rose victorious over our quarrels
I now admit my defeat in front of you

You left me to rot in my own loneliness
Like the sun vanishing in the skies
The silence without you was deafening
Enough to make an ordinary man cry

In those years of absence I always thought to myself
Was we cursed to never end this random fighting?
Or was there another version of our story
Of us being just so much more than what we truly are now...

Just something I was forced to make for ***** ^___^

It's always with you

2009-11-23T21:59:00.004+08:00

With you I'll always be sure
That no matter what happens to us
We'll always be standing strong
Or until both of us falls

If I remember correctly, it has been six years since I left.
Since I left that beloved school of mine.
The faults it had didn't matter for memories made it strong.
Memories of the once young and naive.

Like a battalion we dispersed with time.
Moving on with our lives and ignoring everything back.
Old acquaintances didn't seem to matter but there was something always missing.
But every search made always ended up empty handed.

Life is tragic if loneliness is your best friend.
Believe me, I've gone there and back.
It's not for the full of cheer and joy.
Or it'll only kill you like an arrow piercing your heart.

Moving away from something once deeply treasured is truly painful.
But your choices didn't matter for someone else was in control.
And so, you follow every heed of the master like some kind of bought slave.
Until it all ends, and you're finally free from all chains.

Now rejoice for you have found what you lost.
Raise the wine glasses for a truly joyful celebration.
And now you have found it, make sure you never lose it again.
Or it will be the reaper's scythe you'll eventually find.

The crazy things a bored mind can make.

Seriously, why do I even bother writing this things that I can't even understand myself.
Talk about nonsense. =))

It's simply called...

2009-11-15T00:40:00.002+08:00

A word as old as Adam & Eve
A word not limited to a novel long definition
Given life not by the book but the one who speaks it
It creates and at the same time destroys
It's love my dear ladies and gentlemen

I know you're thinking of her/him right now
While you listen to the tranquil and sentimental tunes
While you lay down at your bed and stare at the ceiling
It's like you have your own world inside that cranium of yours
Where the only people is the two of you

You can't help but wonder on what they're thinking of
Is it you occupying the current moment in his/her brain?
Do they find you as just the rest or as the one
Endless thoughts ramble as you roll with impatience
Until the sandman finally ends your torture of the night

I know you want to come out clean
and lodge everything inside that chest of yours out into a single phrase
But you can't for there is something stopping you
An invisible restraint that limits you from doing what you must
Everyone's been there but we all get pass it eventually
And now you wonder when will the word "eventually" come

Days, weeks, months, years
They grip unto you like some kind of force
It whispers to you that what you desire is achieved only in dreams
But you'll fight it
You'll fight with everything you got inside that will of yours
To tell that person those never old three words of wonder

uhmm...

The fucker man

2009-11-12T18:32:00.002+08:00

It's epic, it's stupid, it's just embarrassing for both you and me.

Still can't forget that asshole who took my 20 bucks earlier. >........<

It was about 12 or 1 in the afternoon when I was waiting in a jeepney station for the vehicle to be filled with people so we can finally leave. The scenery was hot, hot, and did I mention, hot.

The jeepney rides have a flat rate of 18 pesos. No more student or senior citizen discounts. So, I took out 20 bucks and held it with my left hand and waited. I fell asleep moments later.

Some seconds later, I woke up. I looked at my left hand to realize that my 20 bucks are gone. Suddenly, the dispatcher asked for us to pay the fare. Trying to put the 20 bucks dilemma aside, I just took another 20 and paid the price.

Suddenly, A man in front of me reached something under my seat. I was thinking that he found my 20 bucks and was gonna return it to me or ask the remaining people on who owned it. I was wrong. He gave it to the dispatcher instead as his payment for the fare. That jerk.

I was pretty sure it was my 20 bucks. I looked around the scene and it looks like no one else saw 20 bucks lying under my seat. To make it worse, when a mid aged woman went inside to ask for some donations for a church, he gave the change from the stolen 20 bucks as his donation as if he was some kind of saint. Out of the extreme heat and rage, I pulled out a finger but in a manner that no one else would see besides the asshole.

He got the message and replied by doing the same thing. I guess he has no conscience. Unlike me, he's an idiot in aiming. People beside me though he was flashing his finger at them, hence they gave him a look that looked like they we're saying "point that finger at me and I'll break your balls off".

Out of humiliation, he stopped flashing and I continued mine. And so, I got out when the jeepney stopped beside the mall nearest to our house. I didn't feel any better though...

Probably Karma's way of telling me that I should have helped my friend earlier.... My deepest apologies to her... I'll try to make it up to her someday. ^__^

The blank schedule

2009-11-11T16:44:00.005+08:00

Pretty much nothing happened this morning. As in, nothing happened besides seating in a chair for 5 hours staring at the windows hoping Rambo would pop out from nowhere.

I made a quick observation about the class though and the following were:

The class is divided into groups as always.
Majority of the students are males. I'll estimate about 95%.
Air-conditioning is no good. The raging sun outdoors was practically cooler.
There is still no professors assigned to our multiple courses.
The classroom is beside the C.R. which is a good thing for me. =p
There's not a single ---Censored--- in the class....

However, it's not all bad since I know some of the people there. At least I won't be a loner. I still miss having afternoon classes though since I hate waking up early in the morning. =__=

Oh well, I'll just stay curious on the remaining events.

Now for some of my plans for the week. Movie plans to be exact.

My plan this week is to watch that really awesome movie 2012 directed by Roland Emmerich.

In my opinion, the doomsday plot just never gets old. True, it has one end. The earth will be destroyed. But I think what most movie goers want to see is how it will happen. What I'm impressed about this movie is the awesome C.G.I.. This is a film you wont want to miss.

Trailer:

The rest of my movie plans are still far but I will be marking the release dates on my calendar.

1st will be the movie Legion directed by Scott Stewart.

I'm pretty sure this will be one of those controversial films since angels will be looked upon as the antagonists this time. Still, I'm gonna watch the film. The release date is January 22 2010.

Trailer:

And of course, the film The Last Airbender directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Pretty much, if you watch Nickelodeon's "Avatar: The Last Airbender", then this film will be probably the same except that of course many changes will be made... I'm having 2nd thoughts though if I should still watch this film. Oh well, it's one of my favorites so I'll try to appreciate the movie version. The movie will be released by summer of 2010... guess we'll have to wait ==___==

Here's the remaining list of movies I'm yearning for...

screw the list.. I'll just wait for something good. >.<

In a failure's mind

2009-11-02T14:23:00.002+08:00

Dreams of aspiration gone
Hoping for another chance destroyed
Living in a dark path taken
And the failure bids to another life

The people criticize a failure
As if they feel superiority over the weak
But the hidden truth will always stay
That they are failures of their own selves too

Hiding over the shadows
Looking over the people mock and such
A failure fails to understand
That why other failures act like gods

"Why" is the question to be solved here
Why must the poor be mocked
Why must the rich embrace greed
Why must failures be the ones on the lead

gods are failures
Nothing more than illusions
Only a persona seen behind a human's mistakes
Only a defense mechanism to stay sane

So who is the real failure here
The one's mocked or the gods?
The ones hiding in the shadow or the ones living in greed?
Truly everything now has gone tupsy turvy

It's ironic and yet comedic
The ones failing is seen laughing
And the ones succeeding is eventually lost
Just goes to show that nothing ends what they usually seem

Just a random scribble I thought up while eating. =3

Being different can be awesome too

2009-10-18T01:40:00.005+08:00

Most of the people do not realize that we are all bounded to the invisible social infrastructure.

Because we are bounded to this, we are automatically punished and criticized when we go against the norms of society. In a way, it's like we're being stripped of some freedom.

We can never fully act to our own liking for society is always keeping an eye on us. Constantly watching until we make a wrong move that will go against the so called stereotyped social norms. A perfect example for this is homosexuality. A man or woman that acts their opposite counter is automatically criticized by society and granted as outcasts for they do not act within the norms.

What is depressing about this is the fact that some people are disgusted with the very sight of people acting beyond normal. Regardless if they did anything wrong, they are automatically seen as a black sheep of society. Just more reasons on why people can never get along. The problem about racism still has no end and yet, we're already dividing the community from people who act normal from the people who act what they want to act.

But being different doesn't mean that everything will be going downhill. It still has some advantages to. Being different gives you a sense of uniqueness, something that only you can do and what makes you yourself. It separates us from the stereotyped social culture and gives us a personality that can only be found in ourselves and no one else. It is this uniqueness that gives us a distinction from the rest of the crowd.

Whether you're gay, emo, gangsta, or just plain poser, be happy with who you are and if others hate it, then ignore them for they just stick to the social infrastructure. Have some freedom in yourself and never let your own distinction be taken away from the people who proclaim that what you're showing is wrong.

The day after disaster

2009-09-29T15:05:00.002+08:00

And so the storm has passed
Faces of pain and anguish fill the ravaged scenery
Lifeless corpses float along the river
And as we look at the once beautiful scene, tears run down our eyes

We ask why
Why did it have to be them?
Out of the millions remaining, why them?
Why didn't you just take us instead?

There's nothing else to be done
The dead is dead and it's final
No amount of tears can change that
And no kind of suffering will help fix this

What's left to do is face everything with optimism
Sure the dead is dead but there are plenty of living victims who need you more
Victims who faced the storm head on
Victims who managed to outwit death itself

We may feel comfy in the haven of our own homes
But do we realize how many people lost everything?
Not just material possessions but fellow loved ones
And yet we feel joyful just because classes are suspended

How shameful of us
Not something to be proud of but something worth changing
So stop slacking and start acting
Now's the time to put our worth to the test

Rants, rants, & rants.

2009-09-15T18:32:00.002+08:00

Ranging from preschool up to now, I've been called various names.
Some of those names, I curse beyond my grade.
Some of them, I tend to put interest in by actually using it.

Have you ever been called an idiot?
It's irritating. No?
But what's humorous about it is the fact that it doesn't bother you at all when you pertain that word to yourself.
I can call myself an idiot all day long and yet it doesn't bother me.
But if someone tries to criticize me of being an idiot, I swear I'll make you regret saying that word in front of me.
One thing that I always seem to see is that no matter how dumb you may be, there will always be someone dumber than you. That's only my opinion but I'm starting to believe that it has some truth in it.

On to the next rant.

Have you ever noticed that some of the people tend to befriend someone smarter than them?
Or maybe you see a group of people composing of intellectuals?
I used to ponder about that ever since elementary years.
And now I finally have an answer.
Intellectuals tend to stick to people who are either dumber, or as smart as them because of these reasons.
First, if they stick to dumber people, they will feel a sense of superiority over them.
Second, if they stick to people as smart as them, they'll be able to compete with them or communicate at the same level of mentality.
But the left out has a reason too for sticking to intellectuals.
If they stick to someone smarter, they also feel a sense of being intelligent because they spend time with someone of a superior mentality.
I say that's shit.
The only reason we stick to geniuses is to copy of their work.
I don't give a damn even if they bled to death by figuring out the results.
I'm sorry but that's just how it goes.
And goes the saying "Hindi mo kailangan maging matalino, kailangan mo lang maging mautak"

One last ranting before I get flamed by people who hates my very existence.

In the past few weeks, I was called a gay.
It first started with my nephew who called me that just because of my hair.
I didn't really mind it back then because he was always jealous of me having long hair.
Up to now, he keeps calling me that. Remind me to strangle him to death after a few years.
A few weeks later and another person called me gay.
No, it wasn't another relative.
It was from a friend, a close bitchy greedy friend.
It maybe because she was drunk when she told me this. Either way, our conversation still kept me thinking.
Not about because she called me gay but about what I had to do to prove I'm not.
Oh forget it, this will get me nowhere..

Parler à un état d'ébriété est inutile

Au diable ce

2009-09-09T02:38:00.003+08:00

Normally, I don't type in French.

But tonight, I feel an urge to type some random thoughts in a language I don't even speak.

Je déteste le tartre.

I hate it more than any self possessed tramp that ever crossed path with me.

I hate it more than that worthless person who shared blood with me.

Je voudrais être un génie.

It's such a burden trying to dig all this information and yet no kind of treasure of knowledge fuses with your mind.

I spent hours trying to decode all this confusing ideas/equations/thoughts/theorems and yet I never get square one.

If only I can absorb everything a book contained. Like having a connection with a book through telepathy.

Or better yet, if only I had the ability to absorb another person's brain. That would be so amazing and horrific at such supreme levels.

Savoir, c'est pouvoir.

If that is true, then I'm obviously very weak since I can't fully grasp the knowledge.

Why did I even bother tackling a mind-incinerating major. I was at my peak at other types of majoring.

Oh well, I chose this. And so I'll die with this tattooed in my head.

Suis-je donner du sens?

Honestly, I have no idea.

I give a 90% yes that I am speaking in such retarded ways.

But I have no choice. It's better this way if someone makes a laugh of the things concocted in my brain.

Let's end the whining for now.

It's 3 in the morning and I have a test at Calculus, Filipino, and a paper in English that needs to be done.

adieu pour l'instant...

Wrong tracks

2009-09-06T00:36:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I wrote something here so I might as well remove the cobwebs here.

Saturday night.

For us students who study from Tuesday to Saturday at 12-5pm at a daily basis, Saturday is like paradise morphed into 24 hours.

For me personally, I love Saturdays.

The night is always young.

There's so much life during the wee hours.

Boredom is not a problem.

Only problem is, once you wake up the next day at someone's bed naked, then you're pretty much screwed my friend.

For me, I rather waste my Saturday night reading a book I never haven't even started.

Or maybe stimulate my mind by researching some cool facts.

But of course, There is always an 80% chance that I'll screw this night by wasting my time on nonsense.

Nonsense in a way that does not involve any liquors or sexual pleasures.

Alright, my classes today ended at 4:30 pm. If I'm correct, that class was computer.

Oh how I adore to send that professor 30 thousand miles away from my life.

Anyway, I chose to slack some time off before I go home by wasting it in a comp. shop.

Some hypocrite educators protested that slacking on this areas causes stupidity in the nation, I beg to differ.

They'll never know the fun of slacking time with friends. Sure beats studying any day.

Also, what I believe that the cause of stupidity in the nation is the incompetence of some hypocrite educators believing in their lies. That's just my opinion anyway.

Back to topic.

After spending 2 hours there, I bid my farewell and went on my way home.

The walk to the station was specially tranquil in an unexplainable sense.

Something mean't to be felt and not be given thought.

The LRT was cramped as always specially because it's a Saturday night.

After about 15 minutes of journeying through 8 stations, I rode off the LRT and proceeded to the Jeepney station.

I hated this part of my trip the most because everyone looked lifeless.

Everyone was sleeping while some just gave a blank stare into an endless panoramic view.

When I look to the left, someone is using my shoulder as a pillow.

To the right, a woman that always stares at me when I look to my right.

On my front, a bunch of people that can be mistaken for dead corpses.

While trying to manage the scene around, I myself just dozed off.

When we finally reached the nearest S.M. at our house, I climbed down and rode a trike to my final destination. Home not so sweet home.

Opening the gate, a scent started to tingle my senses.

Me being tired, I ignored on discovering what could that be.

While eating a quick dinner, someone asked me if I smoked a cigarette. I answered with the truth which was a no.

Another question came. She asked why did I smell like one. Of course I didn't know myself.

Combining stress, hunger, and irritation, I said that maybe she was smelling herself.

I thought that maybe she got the message to just shut up for now. Oh how wrong was I.

Last question, she asked if I was from a computer shop. Finally, I gave a loud answer.

"Yes, why?".

Apparently, she didn't liked my tone and started on her irritating speech.

Those same words, same phrases, same sentences. I wanted to slam the plate at the wall.

Or maybe slam the laptop in her face.

Instead, I just took out the earphones in my Polo's pocket and wore them on my ears while listening to loudest song I can listen to.

About maybe 3-4 minutes, she started to leave the room, finally giving me some peace.

Since then, my Saturday night has been pretty quiet and so far I'm really enjoying it.

Up to now, I wonder where did the cigar scent came from.

Was it from the girl on my left that always used my shoulder as a god damn pillow?

Was it the woman at my right who always stared at me like I was some kind of cuisine?

Did I subconsciously smoked a cigar on the way home?

Or maybe the scent just popped out from me reflecting my mood?

Oh well. This trivial questions will keep me intrigued for the hours ahead.

I'm tired.

2009-08-07T22:13:00.003+08:00

I'm tired of listening to your every speech

I'm tired of being your instrument

You're instrument of disposal

You're only tool that only you can use

I'm tired of heeding your every call

I'm tired of being a slave

A slave for your selfish deeds

A slave that never gets his needs

I'm tired of being a toy

I'm tired of being used

Used for such stupidity

Used and disposed after loyalty

I'm tired of being at you're side

I'm tired of being your only hand

You're only hand that helps you up

You're only hand that never gives you up

I'm tired of listening to the word Love

I'm tired of seemingly involved in one

Involvement that does not give me anything

Only you and none for the word I

I'm tired of being yours

I'm tired of doing your every chore

Chores that make me look like a fool

And make you bloom like the morning's rose

I'm tired of thinking of you

I'm tired of seeing you

You who makes my world crumble down

You who we're once the king's glorious crown

I'm tired of being called only one

I'm tired of being your only one

Only one who does everything for you

Only one who suffers for the sake of you

I'm tired of giving you joy

I'm tired of calling you

Listening to your every speeches

Listening until the silent night ceases

I'm tired of being with you

I'm tired of loving you

I'm tired of serving you

And I'm tired of you

Karma Loves Me

2009-08-03T00:25:00.002+08:00

Karma has been chasing me for a week now.

Wait, has it really been a week? Let me check.

Yep, 7 days in all.

The reward I earn for being ignorant is loving Karma.

Sure I made some wrong decisions, gave wrong directions, acted at the wrong moment, and more.

But I'm only a god damn human.

Like you, I have limitations and weaknesses.

Not like the almighty in the heavens, I have no capacity to keep up with everyday stress at a constant rate and yet you blame me for everything.

As Karma plays with me in every torturing waking moment, I constantly ask "why?"

Why me?

Why blame me for everything?

Why must you make me a bin for all the errors that you concocted?

Going on, I ignored everything that Karma threw at me including...

-The clothes that I washed earlier that quite mysteriously suddenly smelled awful

-The mysterious appearance of my new trait while sleeping

-The mechanical pencil and all other pens that suddenly disappeared

-The full load of schoolwork that I have to accomplish within 5 days

-The grueling thoughts about what next will Karma slam at my battered will

And as everything was going downhill for me, some bright light gave me some quick thoughts.

Because of Karma, I had to read, read, read like tomorrow was going to be Armageddon. Because of that, reading has become second natured to me now.

Because of Karma, I now keep myself awake at LRT's even though they're really cold.

Because of Karma, I realized that I can fall asleep even when standing up. Interesting.

Because of Karma, I now look behind my back at time to time.

Finally, Because of Karma, I almost aced my physics test. 1 more point and it could have been a perfect score.

So thanks Karma. Thanks for the love.

Did you ever wonder...

2009-07-21T22:53:00.002+08:00

Did you ever wonder on why history was called history and not herstory?

Did you ever wonder that even though the female population outnumbers the men population, there is only a small number of women that lead?

Did you ever wonder why female writers we're so hard to find back then?

Did you ever wonder on why women wear stilletos even though it causes great pain?

Did you ever wonder on why the abbreviation "Ms." is changed to "Mrs." once she is married and yet the abbreviation "Mr." is not changed regardless of single or married?

Did you ever wonder why did the abbreviation "Mr." is always first instead of "Mrs." in invitations?

Did you ever wonder on what the world will be if it was led by women?

Did you ever wonder on why did man blame God for creating woman when they we're asked why they ate from the tree of knowledge?

So many questions left in my mind but all points to one reason.

Our world has been in utter chaos since the beginning.

Wars.

Corruption.

Unwanted deaths.

Destruction.

All of these happened under the rule of man.

When a man claims a higher position, he is praised.

When a woman claims a higer position, she must go through hell to even hear a single cheer.

Ever since the beginning, man has already claimed supremacy.

Ever wondered why it was called "Man and Woman" and not "Woman and Man"?

And for centuries, man has claimed the highest chair.

Throughout time, man has created outstanding marvels and claimed all glory for himself.

Man even created reasons and lies and contraptions to make him more supreme as ever.

I'm not going against my own gender or anything.

I'm just sharing on what I think.

You decide.

Oh yeah, did you know men created stilletos and not women?

And there is a special reason on why men love seeing women wearing stilletos.

And I'm not going to say why. Discover it for yourself.

Ego to blame.

2009-07-12T00:57:00.003+08:00

It's the one who curses people day by day.

It's the one that wishes it had the capabilities beyond others.

It's the one that doesn't want to accept its own defeat.

It's the one that has a pride larger than any great wall.

It's the one that messes with your mind.

It's your ego and it can destroy your life.

Before, never did I thought that my life was ruled by my own ego.

Never giving a care to the ones I hurt.

Ignoring the ones who asked for help.

Criticizing anyone who made mistakes.

Justifying that my own mistakes should be correct.

I ignored my own wrongdoings and went on with my life.

Letting my own stupidity rule over my acts and thoughts.

Now that I finally managed to look behind the path I made, I see nothing but chaos.

On one side are the people that curses me to death.

On another side are the people I used for my own purposes without giving anything back or at least my own gratitude.

And finally, I look back on the people I've hurt so much.

I used to think that they we're the ones who hurt me first.

I gave myself a reason to hate them back not knowing that all this drama was the product of my own mind.

I hated them through ignorance, ignoring them as if no one occupied the space in front of me.

Never giving a care if my ignorance also hurt them back.

But thanks to that kid, that smiling kid, my ego crashed like a plane falling from the heavens above.

Giving me a taste of how painful can the gods hammer be.

And I waked up from a long trance.

A nightmare that played for years.

Although I can never swallow my own pride, with a little help, I broke it down without any hesitation.

The ego that smiles with the sight of chaos is no more.

All the stupidity I've done, all the pain I've caused, all the chaos I've commited, all of them I completely apologize for.

And though you may never want to forgive me as long as your soul exists, just grant me one wish and don't do what I've done to you...

Racism is bullshit.

2009-06-29T20:19:00.003+08:00

Since the Engineering department had no classes for the past week, I burned my time doing nonsense.

While comitting to my nonsense, I found this game called (censored).

This is a Role Playing Game (RPG).

But not the kind of RPG wherein you slay an evil magical creature or fight endless battles using a huge sword and you never seem to die.

This type of RPG was like real life.

Real life as in you do what you do in your daily life.

Eat, get a job, sleep, and so on.

And one day, while playing in game, this scenario happens.

My character was waiting for a cab which seemed to never arrive.

And then, this guy pulls up in front of me and asks me if I want a ride.

Since I was pissed off waiting for the cab, I decided to accept his request.

While on the road, he asked me on my beliefs.

I asked him back on what kind of beliefs.

Was it about religion, government, or etc.

And he said government.

Before I could even reply to his question, he asked me If I believed in "white supremacy".

Being a guy that didn't want to be involved in complicated matters, I simply said "I don't know".

And then the scenario went worse.

He kept babbling about how he loves the "white supremacy".

I didn't know if he was still role playing or was he acting like a Nazi for real.

Because, I was so pissed off at his endless chatters, I said I believed in equality.

He suddenly stopped the car.

He asked me with anger if what the hell was I saying.

So I explained to that narrow minded racist that I believe in all races being equal and that no race should be claimed supreme or greater than the others.

He suddenly throttled the car and said I was a traitor of the white race.

And then he started another speech on how much a traitor I am.

I decided to just jump out of the car but he locked the doors.

I had no choice but to struggle his chatter.

And then he accelerated the car more.

Finally, he said people of my ideals should be killed and he went straight for a dead end.

Before the car slammed, he jumped out the door leaving me locked inside.

The car slammed at the wall and the car exploded.

And my character died.

The End.

Even in games, racism is still found on other people.

And this is the reason why wars never stop.

Here's a lesson for you, when someone who believes in a one race supremacy gives you a ride, just decline the offer. Even if you really know the person.

You'll never know if one day, you'll be found dead on a burning car.

Thoughts for the 1st week..

2009-06-19T23:14:00.002+08:00

Previously, I cursed this schedule of mine.
Provoking war against every hour from 12 in the afternoon.
Blaming anyone that has no relevance to my cursed dilemma.
Pretty much, acting like a complete idiot.

First day.
Woke up at around 8 in the morning.
Ate an early lunch and did everything needed and left at around 10.
Back then when I had morning classes, Usually the climate was cold.
Now, I haven't even left the house and I'm already sweating.
Ignoring traffic, Ignoring the person smoking beside you during a jeepney ride, I arrived at about 11:30.
Pissed off to the highest point, I made my way inside the building.
First sight, giving out of fans that had writings about avoiding the flu and dengue.
Well that lowered my anger for a bit.
Still pissed, I went up the stairs while using the damn fan and sat at a bench until the cursed bell rang.
1st class, Literature. Led by a professor who likes to pose while teaching.
2nd class, no Prof.
3rd c;ass, no Prof. and so on.
After sitting at a chair for hours, I realized that this class was going to unleash all the layers of hell. And I gave a silent laugh. Disturbing isn't it?

2nd day.
1 Prof. showed up and no one came in the room until the day ended.
Wasted another day torturing my ass in a chair.
And then going home, a very clear idea came to me.
I'm cursed to never arrive home earlier than 7 in the evening. Sweet.

3rd day.
P.E. at about 7 in the morning.
The whole 2 hours was wasted with cheers and introductions.
Even now I wonder, why is it that I must always bring "6" balls and not any number less or more in Table Tennis? Does it mean I'm going to screw up for 6 times while playing? Cool.
9 up to 12, I wasted those hours in front of a computer.
Class started and there was an improvement.
2 Profs. showed up and then the day ended sitting again.
And the trip home took me "Four" god damned hours.

Current day,
2 profs showed up and I tortured my ass once again.
And I went ahead and bought myself a 2000 paged book. Thank you Physics.
Surprisingly, the trip home was relatively short.
Maybe I was given pity since everyone seemed to looked at my 2000 paged book.

Things I learned:
1. Keep your calm even though your group mates are complete lazy assholes.
2. Never make eye contact for a long time or don't make eye contact at all. Specially if someone didn't break eye contact for a long time. I'll never stare at her again.
3. Some Professors seem to have a blood compact with fellow Professors. Screw with one and you'll deal with an army.
4. Learn to love. Love a book I mean. Specially if that book is 2000 pages long. Happy reading.
5. Just laugh at the Prof's joke when he/she makes a dumb joke. Even if you want to throw him/her to the lowest layer of hell, Laugh.
6. Never "completely" trust someone's opinion. But I'm not saying don't trust me XD

Pretty much, I actually praised this dilemma of mine that I once cursed to the deepest layer of hell.
Interesting section, Interesting courses, disturbed professors, Oh we're heading for a good one.
Brace yourselves as all Armageddon unleashes.

Media's Retarded

2009-06-14T18:19:00.002+08:00

It's been weeks since I watched the news.
It's probably because I'm not interested in watching the T.V. for now.
But what pisses me off is that the same news from weeks ago is still running up to now.

Yeap, it's that fucking sex scandal that seems to have no end.
For christ's sake people, don't you have anything better to do?
We're all tired of seeing that doctor, and his mom, and those other doctors in the T.V.
It just shows that the media would talk about sex rather than our country that is burning down to the ground.

And until now, the internet goes wild with those videos appearing from nowhere.

Another thing that the media loves to talk about is that H1N1 virus.
It's just a flu. It's not something to get crazy about.
All someone needs is quarantine if he's infected and he'll be fine.
It's not a virus worth going insane about.
When the media talk about it, it's like ARMAGEDDON is approaching.
For bullshit's sake, there are far more deadlier and more contagious viruses.
It's not like that the Spanish Flu who killed 50 to 100 million people suddenly went back to life.

Does the media even think about the upcoming elections?
They're treating it like nothing's going to happen.
With what's happening now, We rather have Erap as president again since no one really cares about whoever takes the presidential chair.

Final note,

The media would rather talk about sex and some weak virus rather than talk about pressing matters like the presidential elections or deadlier viruses like dengue specially with the rainy season we're experiencing.
What a lovely country we live in.
Now I'm thinking about Europe as the next best place to move in

Garena players at worse

2009-06-10T10:21:00.003+08:00

Do you play Warcraft?
what about Left 4 Dead?
or even Counter Strike?

If you say yes to even one of those games, then you probably know Garena.

If you play those games and still don't know what Garena is, don't bother continue reading.

So let's start shall we.

Garena, a program used by gamers to connect their respective game with other gamers through the use of the internet.
It's a pretty convenient application if you ask me.
As long as you have the game, and of course the internet connection, then you're all set to go.
It's motto even says "Connecting World Gamers"

Although it connects gamers world wide, it also attracts narrow minded idiots.
Idiots who pay no attention to their fellow allies.
Big shots who think they can totally dominate a game by their own.
Idiots who quit once they're completely humiliated

There are even times when some people call Warcraft "DoTA"
For goodness sake, DoTA is just a map for Warcraft
And then you ask them what Warcraft is and then they're clueless to the name
it's ironic they play DoTA all day long and they don't even know what game they are playing

Next, connection issues.
Although Garena connects world gamers, it is still clear that you need a large bandwidth if you're going to host a game of many players.
During a game, and then someone begins to disconnect from the host.
The usual dumbass player will say (translated in english) "Tunnel! Tunnel him you idiot"
or "Stupid Host" or some other things
But when the disconnected player can't be saved by the host, the usual dumbass player will say things like (not translated) "Basura pc mo" or "de uling na pc" or some other nonsense

But SERIOUSLY, I'm betting that guy has a way better computer than the trashtalking idiot.
It doesn't mean that a player is disconnected, then his pc is automatically blamed.
Then again, idiots never actually pay attention to anything.

Lastly, it's depressing to see newbie players being slaughtered by cocky players
And whats worse, the newbie's allies seem to hate him more rather than to help.
Why can't some just understand that they we're once a newbie.
Then again, pawning noobs is not something to be proud about.

I'm not saying everybody is like this, only some.
I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this, people who actually use Garena anyway.

What having a fever taught me.

2009-06-08T00:41:00.002+08:00

Still down with a fever.
Although not as worse as yesterday, I'm still pretty weak.
Weak not in a sense that I can't lift my own self.
But weak in a sense that I can't instantly heal myself.
Did it ever happen to you before that you should be doing something but instead your pretty much too weak or too lazy to do it.
So pretty much what I did the whole day was sleep, take my medicine, and sleep.
So much for a planned day.

Doing nothing except staring at the ceiling.
Looking at a fly revolve around the light bulb.
Hoping some miracle would happen such as a being would show up in my bed and give me some special elixir that could cure any disease.
or maybe the fly revolving around the light bulb would suddenly speak and say to me "lift your sick lazy ass already!"
Instead, I stared at the wooden ceiling whose paint is already coming off.

Now that I'm strong enough to get off my lazy ass,
I've realized that we're all just humans
We're the image of 99% perfection
We may look like perfect, we still have one flaw that counts for the remaining 1%
And though it seems I'm good at avoiding the illness of others.
Once it catches up to me, I'm pretty much useless as a bag of peanuts.

and on a final thought, it seems youtube suspended Jee Youn Kim a.k.a. sori1004jy
because of some freaking copyright issues.
Is it really that so damn wrong to make cover songs?!
It only shows you that there are people out there who takes pride in ruining others.

Shit at the beginning of June

2009-06-03T00:50:00.004+08:00

It seems that 90% of everyone I know in UST is taking up "Table Tennis" as their P.E. course.
Some preferred that course while others took it up because it was the only thing left to choose.
Besides Social Dance anyway, which everyone seems to hate except for me. I don't know why.

A week from now and it's back to school.
Sleepless nights will come to another beginning.
Specially now that I have afternoon classes.
Say goodbye to sleep and say hello to Physics, Computer, and of course Calculus.
And I forget to mention, my P.E. classes are 7-9 in the morning and my classes starts at 12.
And it's clear that I can't go home between those free hours.
Pretty much, I'm screwed. Thanks God. Thank you very much.

Now for the bright side.... shit, there is no bright side.
Classes from 12 to 5 in the afternoon. 6 on Wednesdays.
A 7-9 am P.E. and 3 hours to spare to do what? besides sleeping anyway.
It's just like my 1st semester last school year.
Classes from 7-12 and P.E. at 3 pm.
Of course, P.E. back then wasn't all bad because that person was there. * oo, ikaw gago *
And to put the cherry on top, LTS (Literary Training Service).

Goodbye long hair *salamat talaga manong guard T_T *
they wouldn't let us in the enrollment until we cut our hair short.
And to top it off, the barber apparently screwed up how to cut hair.
*chismosong barbero!! hindi tinitignan ginugupit. palibhasa pinag uusapan nila ung lecheng walang katapos tapos na sex scandal*

Damn, I'm really screwed this semester.
At least I won't see that person again. * oo, ikaw pa rin leche *
Wish I just had a car so travelling wouldn't be a problem.
On second thought, fuel cost today is freaking expensive.

Let this post end now. Turbo Hamster, you know what to do.

Regardless who you may be, I'll still hate you ^^

2009-05-30T18:49:00.003+08:00

Bored, Thinking of things I'll do to you if I hate you.

If you we're a guard, I'll still hate you
I'll grab your nightstick and hit you in the face
I'll grab your flashlight and pummel you to a pulp
I'll grab your gun and shoot you in the skull

If you we're a doctor, I'll still hate you
I'll grab your biology book and hit you in the face
I'll grab your pager and smash your hand
I'll use your stethoscope and strangle you until you fade out

If you we're a guitarist, I'll still hate you
I'll grab your guitar and hit you in the face
I'll grab your amp and smash you to a bloody pulp
I'll use your guitar string and strangle you to your last note

If you we're an addicted gamer, I'll still hate you
I'll grab your keyboard and smash your face
I'll grab the CPU and smash you to a bloody pulp
And I'll delete all of you characters until you can't take it anymore

Regardless who you may, I'll still hate you
I'll be here plotting every step of your demise
Whenever, Wherever, I'll still hunt you down
Until I see your corpse lying in the ground

----------------------------------------------------------------------

S
o

B
o
r
e
d
.
.
.
XD

10 Thoughts for the weekend...

2009-05-15T22:55:00.005+08:00

1. This song that seems to never escape my mind

2. Pizza hut's Lasagna Pizza that is surprisingly the 1st kind of pizza I hated. Honestly, The pizza was literally bombarded with Lasagna.

3. The word SOULIFICATION which I read from Daryl's blog

4. The flowers we left at my dad's grave

5. The book entitled Pandemic by Daniel Kalla which I'm currently reading. This book's plot is a little bit similar to our current virus outbreak problem.

6. Trigonometry, Advanced Algebra, and Solid Geometry finals next week. I'm pretty sure I should be studying now.

7. The feeling that I'm being left behind by the people I trust and that no matter how much I try to chase them, the gap never seems to shorten...

8. If I should start Photography as a new hobby. Photography seems to be an interesting hobby.

9. The movie Angels & Demons

10. Nina.... Who the hell is Nina? Seriously.

Seriously, who the heck is she? XD

Playlist on the fritz...

2009-05-12T00:03:00.005+08:00

Daily Ritual:
-Wake up at about 5 in the morning
-Take a shower
-Wear my uniform
-Eat breakfast
-Plug in my earphones and start sound tripping
-Go to school for summer classes

Nothing out of the ordinary there.
Except for the fact that my playlist keeps repeating the same song over and over again even though it's on shuffle and "no repeat".

Example:
1st song - Papertin Hymn by Anberlin
2nd song - The Right to write me off by Amber Pacific
3rd song - Right where we left off by New Found Glory
4th song - The Right to write me off by Amber Pacific
5th song - All the small things by Blink 182
6th song - The Right to write me off by Amber Pacific
7th song - This is for real by Motion City Soundtrack
and the song repeats itself over and over again with 1 different song in between.
Weird eh?
Is it just a bug in the system or some kind of realization from the unknown?
Honestly, I really don't care on what's the reason behind it.
The only thing that bothers me is that every time this song plays, the usual image appears in my brain.
The image from the past that was long thrown in the shredder.
The image of her that I thought was already torn in shreds. Guess not.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some lyrics from the song...

"Can we make this last forever
With every word we're growing distant
And I feel as though I have to let you know

It's growing old to see us torn by every choice that I have made
In every instant you were right to write me off and move ahead
And I think I let you down, I throw it all away
I never meant to break it up or make you feel this way

It's getting colder through these walls that seem to thin to break us now
A perfect ending still in line though it seems our time is running out
And just a call from you would make this go away
I never felt this day would come, I'll never be the same"

Nonsense before midnight

2009-05-07T23:35:00.002+08:00

Out of all types of people I've met, only one tempts me to break that person's neck.
Seriously, They're really pissing me to the last nerve.
They're called in words such as cocky, arrogant, brash, bumptious, certain, cocksure, conceited, confident, egotistical, hotdogger, hotshot, hubristic, know-it-all, lordly, nervy, overconfident, overweening, positive, presumptuous, self-confident, smart aleck, smart guy, smarty, smarty pants, swaggering, swollen-headed, vain, wise guy
but they're all the same.
So typical.
A simple worthless victory for them and they talk about it for days.
As if I care of all the Bullshit that comes out from their mouth.

I'll give you an example...
Consultation day back then during 2nd semester.
I still remember those people mocking us who failed.
But they mock us with what?
They mocked us with their "3" flat grades.
They think they're that smart against us?

I failed those subjects because I didn't have enough effort put into it but they fucking passed because they only cheated.

*I'll just vent out some anger on those people*
Akala naman nila kung sino sila.
Punyeta kala mo kung sino ka eh tres ka nga lang.
Lagi na nga kayong nandaraya pero tres pa rin kayo?!
Atleast kahit bagsak ako, hindi naman ako naging desperado para mandaya.
Hindi tulad nyong mga punyeta.
Pinagyayabang nyo pa sa akin ang grades nyong puro flat tres.
Atleast ako me uno sa ibang subject eh ikaw ni isang 2.5 wala.
Akala nyo lang mas magaling pa kayo sa amin dahil dyan?!
Tignan natin next year kung sino ang babagsak sa atin.
*done venting out all of my anger*

For now, I'll let them the taste of they're short victory.
They passed all because of the effort to cheat.
We know we didn't cheat.
We failed for we didn't have enough effort to study in the subject.
We know we have the brains, we're just not using them fully.

One of my professors once told us that
"The people who fail are the ones who will be victorious in the end"

Why won't you LOL

2009-04-29T22:53:00.002+08:00

Bored + Too bored to think = Funny shit

First, here's a picture I took while riding the jeepney to the central LRT station

This probably has got to be the cheapest jeepney ever XD
*Note: This is a joke so don't take it seriously*

And after many hours of sleeping and a little bit of studying,
Here's what the web thinks of hilarious..

Purely Awesome and Painful XD

Well not really funny but still cute hamsters ^^

Mama Panda... pawned XD

Creepy...

Another creepy one...

Epic Win for the Inmates ^^

More to come once the net gives more XD

Freaking Floods

2009-04-22T20:52:00.006+08:00

My classes were supposed to end at 12:30 in the afternoon..
And I usually arrive home at about 1:30 - 1:45pm

Unfortunately, I forgot to add the "Flood Factor"
Making the usual 1:30 - 1:45 turn into 6:30!!

It's amazing on how 45 minutes of rain could do this...

There was supposed to be a video showing kids bombarding water at passing jeepneys..
Unfortunately, I can't find it.. oh well

*My foot is killing me*

Some Advertisement....

2009-04-17T19:33:00.002+08:00

Apologies but because of summer classes, I've got nothing to write for now. Sigh.

Anyways, after the 1st week of classes, my mind is totally empty.
Luckily, I've found a cool user on YouTube who rocks out with her electric violin.
IMO, she's pretty awesome XD

Here are some of her vids... *personal faves*

Her Website

P.S. Goodluck because the site's in korean ^^

Freaking Awesome!!!

"Konna ni Chikaku de..." originally by Crystal Kay and OST for Nodame Cantabile XD

LOL'ed at this one

Some titles we're in Korean so I didn't put it up..

In the midst of paranoia

2009-04-09T00:31:00.002+08:00

Isn't it annoying when you start suspecting your family?
Doesn't it make you enraged when you start distrusting friends?
Well I do
and it's eating my mind

It's like the final option when you just don't know who to blame
When everyone pretends to be the innocent
When everyone puts on the mask of innocence
Until you start losing trail of the perpetrator

Simple mishaps that casually occur in you
When it pisses you to a boiling point
You start blaming your loved ones for your own errors
Pointing every detail of your own stupidity and blaming it on the unsuspecting

When you are blamed for something you are clean
Even when you try everything
Just to prove your innocence
It just seems that the odds are against you
And no matter how much words are spoken
And no matter how much pleads are given
And as you kneel as your last resort
You are still blamed
You receive a punishment that was uncalled for
And as your pulled to your own cell
You see the one who blamed you laughing
And you see everyone around you bowing
And everything becomes clear
They know your innocence and yet they kept silent

When you are humiliated
You are enraged
You feel that blaming is not enough
And as your vision darkens
Your own sanity turns into a berserker bent on pain
Hurting everyone around you
Until everyone is down on the floor bleeding
And as your sanity returns
You see the product of your own hands
And you thrust the final blow on yourself

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Everyone hates it when they are blamed for the stupidity of others
But everyone loves to blame others for their own misfortunes

Everyone thinks they know every way out of a tight spot
So they can avoid the punishment that they truly deserve

They're escapists of their own faults
They think of a way to come clean
They think of a way to hurt the innocent
They blame the unknowing of their own stupidity
Loved ones or Friends, there are no excuses for them
They'll blame them all as long they come clean

But the day of reckoning will come
And they'll receive it a thousand times worse
Not as a quick death
But as a long and painful torture
And as they scream for mercy
The punisher laughs and reveals his/her identity
As the once innocent that was blamed by the escapist

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Never will I give in to paranoia...

Caroline's last goodbye...

2009-03-31T18:46:00.002+08:00

Before we start, please read the previous post titled "An almond for Caroline"
Why? Because this is the continuation and the conclusion of my story...

Let's continue. Shall we?

As I said previously, we spent summer vacation together as best friends before college life started.
We got to catch up on what happened during that 4 years without any means of communication.
What happened to those 4 years of hers was nothing special.
She met new friends, new kind of life, just the ordinary type of life.
But what pondered me was the fact that she didn't even had a boyfriend.
Why? Trust me when I say this that she's the kind of girl that guys chase often.
When I asked her why she didn't have a boyfriend.
She laughed and said... "Why? hmmm... I was saving the spot for someone really special hahaha"
I disregarded my question and went on with everything.

So after my 1st semester, 2nd semester started and that was a disaster on my account.
Not that I regret what happened during my 2nd semester, it's just that... well... this is another story so let's carry on with Caroline. XD
And so, It was Christmas Vacation.
The moment of truth.

During Christmas Vacation, I asked my mom if it was possible to have a vacation at laguna because I found out that Carol's house is close to one of my relative's house. Ironic eh?
It's about a jeepney ride away between the two houses.
Fortunately, mom agreed. Road Trip!!

I surprised Carol with the news that I was going to visit her for the rest of the Holiday season.
I didn't know if she was happy or not, she only laughed and smiled.

And so, we arrived at laguna.
Beautiful place.
Clean Atmosphere.
Beautiful scenery.
Pure awesome. XD

When we arrived at our relative's house, it was about 3-4 in the afternoon.
We we're welcomed with a late lunch and a lot of stories followed.
I called Carol to ask her how will I go to her place.
She didn't answer the phone.
I disregarded the fact of her not answering so I just threw my phone back in my bag.
And so the whole day was focused on my mom talking with other relatives.
Some of them was a complete blank to me.
Some, I couldn't even believe I'm related to them.
Unfortunately, no one there was at the same age was me so it was really depressing on my account.
BTW, this was the 24th of December but I'm not going to tell what happened during the midnight that followed because my relatives took all the fun.
Yeap, they spent it drinking. XD

The next day...
It was the 25th..
It was sort of depressing because the whole night, Carol didn't return any of my calls.
When I waked up, I looked at the clock and it said 5:30 am.
I was going to return to bed but then someone called on my phone.
Disregarding on who's calling, I answered the phone and said "Yello" (supposed to be hello but changed into yello because I just woke up).
I was surprised by the voice on the other line. It was her.
She apologized for not answering my calls yesterday. She said her phone was on the fritz and so she used someone else's phone.
She asked me if I could join her during the 25th because no one was at her home. Her family was at the beach.
I accepted the offer but on the condition that we would meet at the guard outpost at the gate of the village. She laughed, said ok, hanged up.
We met at about 11 in the afternoon.

So we left and went for her house.
During the seemingly short trip, I was surprised that she was holding my hand again.
Disregarding that, we arrived at her house.
It was huge! No exaggeration.
When we went in, no one was really there. It was empty.
I asked if there we're any maids, she said there's two but their on vacation.
We went to the what she called was an "entertainment room".
The room had a huge TV, a lot of different stereos, and a pile of dvds at the center table.
It was clear that we were going to spend the day watching movies.

Before we began, she searched the pantry for almonds.
While she was looking, I inspected the movies and said "shit".
It was all about romance.
Imagine a guy that is into gore and violence watching nothing but kisses and more kisses.
As a friend, I endured those stack of movies.

Halfway with the stack of movies.
I started to fell asleep.
Suddenly, I was woken by something falling on my shoulders.
I opened my eyes and saw her lying on my shoulders.
Then something touched my hand.
It was her hand over my mine.
She was still watching the romance movies.
She was so hooked at the movie that she didn't realize that her head was already lying on the my shoulders.
I didn't move a muscle.
Why? because I really liked her...
Although we had no relationships except for being friends, we looked like so much more.

Finally...
She realized what was happening.
She quickly apologized to me.
I said that it was okay, but I really wanted the moment to last longer.
We both exchanged with smiles.

The day was coming to a halt.
It was starting to get darker outside.
I felt that I needed to say what I really felt.
I felt that if I never say this, I would not have another chance.
I didn't want to lose her...
I was willing to do everything just not to lose her...

It was the last movie of the day...
It was now or never..
A few minutes more and the movie would end...
And what was supposed to be the best day would end as well...

I said the following at her....

Boy: Uhmm... Carol?
Girl: Yeah?
Boy: nothing.. hehe
Girl: hehehe
Girl: What do you think of the movie?
Boy: Hmmm it's alright
Girl: Obviously your not watching
Boy: Huh?
Girl: You think it's alright if they just went on with their lives without telling one another that they liked each other?
Boy: Ok, you got me there
Girl: hehehe Oh yeah another question
Boy: What?
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: What??!! *Surprises*
Girl: Nothing hehehe
Boy: Here's your answer... yeah
Girl: No kidding?
Boy: Look at you... who in the right mind wouldn't fall for you
Boy: You have looks, intellect, and a kind personality to top it off
Girl: Really? well what you say if I liked you too?
Boy: What's left to say?
Boy: *Holds girl's hand*
Girl: *Smiles and gives a kiss on the boy's cheek*

Oh how romantic...

She walked with me to the jeepney station.
She said her goodbye with a smile and turned around to walk home.
Our hands separated...
I said bye to Carol... She turned back and smiled again and said "Tomorrow?"
I said sure.

Best Christmas I've ever had but everything ended so young.
The next day, I overheard from a group of people that a girl was ran over by a truck because of a drunk driver.
What caught my attention the most was the spot they we're talking about is close to Carol's house.
When I called Carol's phone, the line was busy.
When I called her mom, I was greeted by a loud sober.
I asked what was the matter.
She said Carol's dead.
I dropped my phone.....

I never thought last night was her final goodbye. Her last kiss. The last feeling of her warmth.

I just like to say this is just fiction.
Any person named in this story that you know is purely coincidental.

Again, this is just fiction.

An almond for Caroline...

2009-03-31T13:41:00.004+08:00

I'll tell you a little story of a very good friend of mine...

First of all, introductions. This girl's name is Caroline *surname confidential* but we preferred to call her Carol. Unusual name I have to say.
Carol was my friend since... well since preschool. Pretty long eh?
Out of all the people I've met, she was the only one who was so into Almonds.
She was so into Almonds that she didn't even care what her gifts would be as long as its Almonds. Maybe that's exaggerating too much but I can say that she's addicted to that stuff.

Back at preschool, she was my seatmate so it was clear that I was going to befriend her.
At first, I always wondered on why did she have almonds on her lunch box.
I forgot to mention, she was so greedy with those freaking almonds.
And because of that, I started to dislike her but after a while I befriended her again with the use of almonds. Almonds @_@

Ever since preschool, we we're always together.
We always sat together.
We ate lunch together.
Did our schoolwork together.
Heck, the only thing separated us was the bathroom.
It was pretty clear that she was my best friend.
We were practically together always until we graduated Elementary.

After graduating elementary, we started to lose our close bonding.
Our means of communication started to disappear.
As if that wasn't worse enough, her family decided to move because of unknown reasons.
The week before the first day of high school started, we bade our goodbyes and hugged for the last time.
And because of the sad atmosphere, I forgot to ask where she was going to move and how will I contact her. And of course, she forgot to tell those details too.
To add to the irony, no one freaking knew where her family was going to move. Looking back at that time, it was hilarious.

And so, life moved on.
As High school life moved on, I started to forget my sweet friend.
During the 1st year of high school, I always missed her.
Wishing I could call her but I can't because I don't even know what the number is
Sometimes, I started to pick up the phone and stare at the numbers wishing that I would know what to press and that the person who would pick up the other line would be Carol.
Alas, it ended with a lot of wrong numbers and prank calls. XD

From Sophomore to Senior year, I completely forgotten about her.
Who she was, when her birthday was, it was all a blank now.
And so, high school life ended.
And at the graduation, I started to wonder.
While looking at the spot where my mom, sis, and bro-in-law were sitting.
There was someone beside them and by the looks of it, that person was known by my mom and sis.
And after the graduation ceremony, I asked my sis who that person was.
My sister said only one word. Caroline.

When I said hi to Carol while she was looking back, she quickly turned to me and gave me a hug.
Suddenly I remembered. The last hug I got from her was 4 years ago.
I gave her a hug also.
I missed that warm hug of hers.

To celebrate graduation, we went on some restaurant at MoA (Mall of Asia).
While talking to my best friend I started to stare at her. *No evil thoughts here*
While looking at her I said to myself, She has changed. Changed a lot.
Her face was different.
Her voice was more soothing now.
Her body, well I'm not going to describe this anymore. XD
But out of all the changes she went through, there was still one thing same about her.
Her craving for freaking Almonds.
I can't even believe she pulled out a pack of almonds from her bag and when I looked inside her bag, it was filled with those freaking almonds. Addicted too much?

After eating, we went for a walk to catch up while the rest of the family went sightseeing.
At first, she was really talkative. Not like before wherein she was just silent.
She really talked so much that I just pretended to listen.
After a while, I realized she was holding my hand the whole time we we're talking.
Maybe I'm just not used to holding hands anymore.
Then she told me that she was staying at an apartment with her parents because she was going to attend college in manila.
She also apologized for not saying where she was going to move 4 years ago.
I just laughed at the irony. She laughed with me.
BTW, if anyone was wondering, she moved somewhere in laguna.

This is clearly not a little story anymore.
Anyways, let's move on with the story.

We spent the summer together.
I got to met her parents a lot more also.
But when I always look at her, I always had the feeling that we'll just be friends and nothing more.

So College life started.
I enrolled at University of Sto. Tomas while she enrolled at *Confidential sorry*.
We really never got to communicate much during my first semester.
But we always had our bonding times from time to time.
And so my 1st semester ended and 2nd semester started.
All was well until Christmas vacation.
This was when tragedy happened.

---To be Continued--

Can you prolong the silence?

2009-03-29T00:13:00.005+08:00

Yeap, the movie "Dead Silence" is still freaking tattooed in my brain.

Now, can you refrain from screaming when a face like
this pops up?

Watching this flick yesterday kept me awake the whole night with the lights on. I fell asleep at about 4 in the morning. Yes I know, it's pathetic.

Anyways.. back to reality.

It's pretty boring with my remaining vacation days and yet why do I have the feeling that I still have a lot of things to do?

Strange. A minute ago, I knew what I was going to write and now I completely forgot.

So until I remember what I was going to write, I'll just advertise these two albums.

First is "Not Without a Fight" by New Found Glory

and second one is "Even if it Kills me" by Motion City Soundtrack

Trust me, they're pretty awesome ^^

Crazy stuff...

2009-03-28T01:45:00.004+08:00

Two wrongs don't make a right. Although, two idiots have endless potential for disaster.

They say to never trust the predictable... why? because you won't know when they'll do something different that can lead to a disaster.
Unlike the unpredictable, you'll always expect them to do something different.

Two days since panic day. Even now I still can't believe I almost gave up everything on something as worthless as fucking grades. After all, great minds didn't start out with victories... most of them started with failures before they reached the dawn of appreciation.

So earlier today, I was surfing the tv channels to find something good and then I reached a channel showing the flick "Dead Silence"

At first, the movie was pretty boring but when Mary Shaw frequently shows up, it started to give me the chills. The cruel irony is that the one who kills the lead actor is the one he least expected. Why is it that most horror films have this kind of plot?

And so it gave me an idea. What if the person closest to you is not really human? What if he/she is actually an alien in disguise or maybe a supernatural being in physical form or maybe another being from another dimension? Think about it.

I remember a friend of mine saying that for every 200 people you meet everyday, 2 of them are ghosts. Oh yeah, she read that from "Readers Digest" if anyone is asking. So from the 200 people you meet, what if you fell for one of them and unfortunately that was the ghost. How sad and yet creepy.

If only I was a puppet like Mary Shaw who was turned into one by request on her death. Well not a full puppet anyway... I want to have human like figure and not a typical puppet whose mouth always moves in only one direction. I'll have the opportunity to leave forever or at least until my parts break down. Though, it'll be sad to not have any emotions. then again, you don't have a heart in the first place so you'll never feel the sadness or any other emotion. Just a vessel for a soul...

"Beware the stare of Mary Shaw; She had no children, only dolls; And if you see her in your dreams, Make sure you never, ever scream."
Because if you scream... It's all over...

Damn... Those puppets are still stuck in my mind and so is that overly creepy face of Mary Shaw.

What the hell?! It's 2:30 in the morning?!

Suicide? Not yet...

2009-03-26T01:39:00.004+08:00

This is my opening remark... "I hate my professors in trigo, adv algeb, and solid geom...
I hate those people to the very point of insanity.

You know another thing I hate?
I really hate it when the people who cheat pass rather than the people who worked their asses off just to pass but unfortunately fail.
I guess there's nothing to say but I'm a complete idiot.
And according to a thesaurus, I'm a blockhead, a bonehead, a cretin, a dimwit, a dumbbell, a dunce, a fool, an ignoramus, an imbecile, a jerk, a moron, a nincompoop, a ninny, a nitwit, a pinhead, a simpleton, stupid, tomfool, and a twit.

Consultation day.. I arrived at school with no worries at my side. Why? Because I know I did my best during the final examinations. Not just my best but everything my brain contained up to the last variable of an equation. I thought I was going to pass but I was wrong. Dead wrong.

1st consultation.. Advance Algebra.. In this subject I really gave everything.. and when I read the list of final grades, I had a quick chill to my spine.. I failed. I looked at my test results.. I passed the final examinations with a high mark but it simply couldnt handle my low results from the early quizzes.. And so the start of my day was a complete disaster.

2nd consultation.. Solid Geometry.. this was my 2nd disaster.. students we're packed outside the room like sardines.. The air literally smelled like sardines.. and when I saw the results.. Another shot right down to my chest.. another failure.. Damn.. I'm such an idiot.. Pretty much from here I was getting paranoid.. I saw everyone around me laughing and smiling... I was getting jealous of them so I just smiled with them to hide the product of my supreme stupidity..But inside, I wanted to die at the very spot I was standing on.. I wanted my existence to cease at that very moment... literally...

3rd and last consultation... Trigonometry.. The professor who had a breath worse than a public toilet that was left unflushed for weeks.. The professor who made jokes that only he understood.. The professors who I really wanted to hit his face with a laptop or better yet a door.. in this subject, I still managed to gather my composure.. the room was packed with students one more.. He made everybody line up so he could show everyone their respective grades.. Oxygen in the room was running low and so is my composure.. Finally it was my turn... He showed my grade and suddenly everything stopped... everyone was quiet in my mind... every disturbance dissappeared.. all left was me and that paper containing my grade.. another failure.. now at 3 failures, I was close to breaking down...

I rushed outside as quick as possible... I went to the nearest C.R. to gather what was left of my sanity.. fortunately, I was still in control.. I rushed home.. ignoring everything.. ignoring everyone.. my mind, a complete blank..

When I got home, no one was around.. I threw my bag at the sofa and locked myself at my room..
I tried to cry that afternoon but what was weird is that no tears went out my eyes... I just fell asleep trying to gather the tears out my eyes... That night, I was really on the verge of suicide.. All this time, I was trying to make fun of suicidal idiots.. but I was becoming one of them.. I was ready to end everything that night.. I even made a suicidal note.. I was going to slit my wrist but then a tear ran down my eye... I dropped the razor.. I started crying like never before... Years worth of keeping my tears to myself suddenly went out... I cried the whole night trying to blame everything on me and then on God and then back on me once more.. I fell asleep...

I woke up but this time it felt like I was numb...

Curtain call for now.

2009-03-15T23:01:00.002+08:00

The crowd goes wild and applauses while I bow for my curtain call.

My show has come to a concluding part.
This series was filled with ups and downs but mostly downs.

It was a gleeful run but all things must have an expiration.

I wrote every part of this show that gave disquiet to my own thoughts.
From the very irritating professors to the very last person that I bade farewell.

What a sad conclusion to this journey that had no definite end. But on second thought, the journey already had a depressing beginning.

As I bow, the crowd threw roses at me but others threw rotten tomatoes at me. Why? I have no idea also.

Some of the people commented that I gave a good show, some even said that I should be a jester that is doomed to be chained up in the dark dungeons of a castle.

Some asked me if I embraced the dark or did I embraced the light. I replied with twilight, a time where both sides meet.

As I peek behind the curtains and look at the leaving crowd, one idea came to my mind.
There will be no encore after this.
But will they want a new show? or will this truly end and fade in their minds as time passes by?

It's midnight and I'm preparing to leave the stage. There's only one more light lit up in the stage. No one is seating in the chairs. Not a single soul remained after the show.

But wait.. who's the silhouette rising from behind the dark?
As the unknown approaches the lit stage, it takes form and a familiar face is shown.
The last person I expected to show up, not the less wait for me until everyone else is nowhere in sight.
As she walks toward me, music plays in the dark and she held my hand.
We danced until the night reached its expiration.
And as the rays of sunlight begins to shine her face, she disappears into the air.
And the shows goes to a concluding halt.

Going on Hiatus...

2009-03-13T16:51:00.002+08:00

Yeah, the title says it all...

I'm going on hiatus indefinitely...

But before I go on hiatus, I'm going to post on the 15th...
After that, there'll be more rantings for a while...

Reason for hiatus...
- Personal Issues..
- School...
- School...
- Mostly School XD

Fck this, Fck that.

2009-03-11T19:55:00.002+08:00

Back in High School, I remembered peeking at the back page one of my classmate's notebook because I was bored. I saw this this writing at the very last page of his notebook. I remembered his writing to every word.

What's the point of teachers if they only lead us to our failures.
People say they are our guiding light but their more of a trap.
They barely teach us anything, as a matter of fact they don't teach at all.
They rather let the F*cking book do the talking than use their own thoughts.
Heck, I'm spending my parent's money on teachers who are worthless.
If they only let the book talk, then why don't I just drop out and spend my time reading this damned books.
The real competent teachers are running out.
If not getting fired because of economic reasons, they're retiring for their job well done.
The completely worthless teachers blame us for our own failures even though in truth, they're the reason behind it.
I hate those worthless teachers. I hate their way of teaching. Let them burn in hell for all I care...

I didn't really memorize it. I just copied what he wrote in my notebook. *Yes, I had a lot of free time*
At first I said to myself that this guy must be really stupid because even though the teacher just lets the book teach, the subject was purely easy.

But now, I'm starting to realize that not all subjects can be learned with only the use of books.
I can even relate to every word he wrote.
My professors are shit. Well not all but some.
I'm jealous at my other block mates who really doesn't seem to put any importance to math and yet they're the one excelling.
I'm starting to think if I'm even cut out for my major.
I'm good at other subjects but when it comes to math, it's 50-50 if I'll pass. But now, the chances are 80-20 that I'll fail in math.
Well I can't do anything about it... I made a promise to finish this major no matter what it takes. Even if the costs are fatal...

Silence Breaker...

2009-03-08T23:34:00.002+08:00

It has been 4 months, 3 weeks and 3 days since that faithful day...
Since that day, only silence remained between the two of us...
I thought had enough time to get over the joyous memories we had but...
Out of that 4 months you called my name again... and everything fell back to the very first day we met...

This is the question that is tattooed in my mind... why?
why did she have to torment me more by breaking the solid silence...
I thought it was over... I thought both of us moved on...
But why?

I accepted the fact that you will hate mo for the rest of our existence...
did that conversation contained any personal messages...
or was it as they call "just business"
either way... it doesn't change anything between us... or does it...

Is this a God given chance to fix the broken lace of friendship...
Or is this one of the tricks of Loki that could send me back to the pit of sorrows..
Did that dream about the several coffins have any connections with this dilemma...
Why do I even bother think about these silly thoughts...

All I can say for now is.. Goodnight...

Random band names and albums...

2009-03-02T18:48:00.005+08:00

Because I was bored, I decided to read my multiply inbox which I rarely do. While browsing through the pages, I found this post from one of my friend "Alyssa"

Here's how the post goes...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Band name (out of the blue)

The instructions:

1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random articles”
or click Here
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"
or click Here
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click Here
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

5 - Tag your friends to do the same.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After laughing for a while, I decided to do this and it came out with this....

1- I got the article entitled "1884 of Wales"

2- The last five word's I've got was "We're free to do anything"

3- I got a pic of somewhat a flower

4- Photoshopped it and got this outcome...

First Version:

Second Version:

Which do you think is better?
I on the other hand think that both of the pics really suck...

I really need practice... XD

Just some boredom...

2009-02-26T23:02:00.002+08:00

If boredom hits my mind
then what better than write;
To write all senseless facts
in a wasted blank paper;

So lets start this off with a word
But what word is there to use;
There are thousands of words in the world
and yet i only need to use one;

I've got it!
I've thought a good opening;
Let's use the word just
cause everything is just;

Pretty catchy eh?
and yet what a stupid line;
Stupid yet catchy
the perfect plan of my mind;

Everyone says the world is just
but what does that really mean;
I for one knows what it mean
But wouldn't it take the fun if I told you right now;

So did I take enough of your space
or do I need to write more than this;
Should I try to write more of this?
and rot the remaining part of your brain;

Let's end this with one more stanza
so we could all hug our little beds;
So what word should I use to end all of this?
I've got it... we'll all call this poem "SHIT!!"

My view on society.

2009-02-21T23:19:00.002+08:00

From once a place called paradise
We polluted and made hell
The once pure hearted souls of the past
Are now no different from the demons of hell

Day by day, our society breaks down
one by one we turn into God's reason to weep
Where are the modern saints now?
Have they been consumed already by the demons of society...

How could some people even have the courage to pray
If all they do beyond the church is no different from hell's minions
Not only have our Society been corrupted
But our own sense of justice has turned to the creed of sin

How could I even learn to trust someone
when the person beside me already wants to kill me
How can we be proudly called united
if every people in our society hates one another

War and corruption are the main goals of our world
to take lives and then lead with an iron fist on the remaining survivors
Our world slowly revolves around this concept
and also the main reason of our growing desperation

Pandora's box is now kept open
for all evil to wreak havoc in this world
But out of all this crap that we experience
Where is the hope that is supposed to come out last?

*Tired*

Standing on the ledge...

2009-02-21T22:56:00.002+08:00

This month has been a slow one for me. So many cramming sessions but majority of those just ended up in futility. No matter how much hours you tried to pour all your blood, sweat, and tears at those equations, all failure awaited at the end.

Since Valentines Day, we were given a ton of school work and also a ton of mediocre tests. It seems I have the feeling of experiencing summer classes for the very first time. During my elementary and High School days, I usually receive if not very good, adequate grades but I never experienced failing a subject.

People around me act like summer classes are no big deal. For them, its no difference whether they add another few months for their 5 year majors. For me, its a huge deal. I have the kind of mentality that if I take summer classes, people will look down at me. I feel as if they will think of me as an idiot who failed 1 or 2 courses in his major. That is the reason why I never want to fail.

But how can one focus at his critical courses if he has to deal with other matters also? Wherein every course tries to move at the pace of the most difficult courses. How can one manage those kind of problems?

This is where I'm starting to think if this major is really not my calling. But shifting to other majors is not an option now. I'll just to face head on what kind of tortures will those professors give me.

So now I stand at this ledge. hundreds of feet from the ground. This is what will determine my unknown faith. If I fail, I will fall to the ground and splatting to a million pieces. If I pass, someone will pull me from the ledge and once again give me a fighting chance. But the idea of falling is already starting to solidify in my mind. Is this the end?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything is moving at unparalleled speeds. I'm being left behind by them. Though I ask for a little boost, they won't even turn their backs... Even just for a little help...

What I did this Valentines.

2009-02-14T21:57:00.003+08:00

Does it happen to you that every time your outside, you see a lot of couples? And the first thing you say is that you wished you also had someone to hug or hold hands with. Well I don't know about you but I was usually this kind of guy.

From my own house up to school, I always see a shitload of couples. They're everywhere! At first it was getting on my nerve since they really didn't give a care for the other people around them. It didn't matter if they stepped on your shoe or something because they really wound't give a damn about it. They'll just ignore you.

But from time to time, I always thought on what would be the situation if it was me with someone else. I always pondered on that idea. I never thought I would experience that thought. Until now...

Today is officially Valentines day. For the past few years, I always spent this day either with parents, friends, or just stay at home with the computer. But this time, I've experienced it with someone special. A first in my own history book.

Though we celebrated the day before valentines because she didn't want her parents to find out.

After the Engineering Showdown which was really AWESOME, we agreed to meet at Mc Donalds near F.E.U.
Although it was friday the 13th and a gum got stuck on my shoe earlier that day, it didn't matter for all my attention was on her. We first went to M.O.A where we had dinner and strolled along the bay. During our stroll, you wouldn't believe on how many people would sell you flowers. Eventhough I already bought her flowers, people insisted us to buy some more which ended to a night with her carrying a huge bouquet.
Before we went back to take her home, she insisted to drink some alcohol just for fun. To my surprise, when I was finishing a single shot, she was already finishing three! I got her home drunk as hell. It's hard to bring a drunk person home when she keeps slapping you in the face and insists on dancing at the middle of the road.
Luckily, when I got her home, her parents was out and her yaya was also on a date. Lucky us we had the house for ourselves though I just helped her lie on her bed and then I went home. HONEST! XD
I don't take advantage of drunk people. Seriously.

When I got home, she sent me a text message saying that she thanked for the night and another thanks that I didn't take advantage of her.

Probably not the best day but one of the most memorable. XD

Concocting Nonsense

2009-02-11T20:00:00.002+08:00

So I was bored last night so I did something stupid.
I proclaimed Emo Sucks. Not that I have anything against them.
It was just a quick laugh that turned into more nonsense because of this conversation.

Ram Marc: Join the revolution! emos suck
adrian Tan: wahaha
adrian Tan: apply logic!
adrian Tan: define emo!
Ram Marc: emo (noun) - a whole new breed of morons
adrian Tan: kulang definition mo boy
adrian Tan: ahaha
adrian Tan: moron in what manner?
Ram Marc: haha pakidagdagan
adrian Tan: why?
adrian Tan: may logic na kayo?
adrian Tan: logic na subject
Ram Marc: wla pa.. alam q d kame magkakaroon nun eh
adrian Tan: imposible
adrian Tan: meron kayo nun!
adrian Tan: 2nd year ata
adrian Tan: basta astig yun!
adrian Tan: nakakamulat ng utak!
adrian Tan: promise!
Ram Marc: d q sure kc ung sa lumang courses alang logic ung major q
adrian Tan: mapapa "oo nga no!!!" ikaw
Ram Marc: d q lam sa bago
adrian Tan: aaaaah basta alam ko lahat ng nasa eng meron nun
Ram Marc: with logic, wrongs can be made from correct ones
Ram Marc: vice versa
adrian Tan: ang lupit ng logic na subject talaga..dami ko natutunan
adrian Tan: a word represents a picture
Ram Marc: blis kumple2hin mo ung definition
adrian Tan: people see different pictures because we are situated in the world
adrian Tan: emo....do we have the same picture?
adrian Tan: ano definition mo sa emo
Ram Marc: ala pa q solid na definition eh... mag iicp pa q ng definition na me magandang reasoning after gmawa algeb
Ram Marc: EMO, once a genre of music that transformed into a urban culture of stereotypes.
Ram Marc: la q maicp eh
adrian Tan: ah ok
adrian Tan: jan sa definition na binigay mo....stereotyping is not idiot
Ram Marc: naghahanap aq ng definition na pang urat sa iba haha
adrian Tan: idictic
adrian Tan: it's just pathetic
Ram Marc: then what do you propose?
adrian Tan: find a better definition that makes emos stupid
adrian Tan: like...suicidal
Ram Marc: EMO, once a genre of music that transformed into a urban culture of stereotypes of suicidal...
Ram Marc: what's a word to insert?
adrian Tan: morons
adrian Tan: wahahha
Ram Marc: nyeh
Ram Marc: qng ganun din lng edi gaguhin q na lang buong definiton
Ram Marc: *definition
adrian Tan: pricks?
adrian Tan: suicidal attention....something
adrian Tan: parang attention grabbing
adrian Tan: pero mas magandang term
Ram Marc: emo -suicidal morons
emo- suicidal pricks
emo- morons who attempt to commit suicide to attain individuality
Ram Marc: ano dyan?
adrian Tan: mali yung pangatlo
adrian Tan: hindi individuality
adrian Tan: so gain ATTENTION
Ram Marc: I see I see
Ram Marc: good point
adrian Tan: kasi...panong individuality...eh madami nga sila!
Ram Marc: uu nga naman
Ram Marc: @_@
adrian Tan: it's an entire culture!
adrian Tan: wahahaha
adrian Tan: sinasabi lng nila na individuality!
adrian Tan: para cool daw sila
Ram Marc: peo sa 22o ang dami nilang ganun
Ram Marc: stereotypes noh?
adrian Tan: pero sa totoo niyan...walang individuality sa pagiging emo!
adrian Tan: mas malala pa sila sa mga nag woworship ng trends
Ram Marc: If I have 2 choose... join a religion that worships rizal or be emo... I rather worship rizal
adrian Tan: i'd choose neither
adrian Tan: ahahaha
Ram Marc: alam mo ung religion na un
Ram Marc: ginawang Kristo c rizal hanep
adrian Tan: religion sucks!!!! logic rocks! wahahah
adrian Tan: nga pla
adrian Tan: alam mo issue sa eng?
Ram Marc: sabihin mo yan sa pari.. ang ganda ng kalabasan
Ram Marc: anu anu
Ram Marc: mukhang maganda yan ah
adrian Tan: may isang logic prof
Ram Marc: anu
adrian Tan: tawag namin sakanya GTO
Ram Marc: Onizuka?!
Ram Marc: Onizuka?!
Ram Marc: Onizuka?!
adrian Tan: odchimar
adrian Tan: wahahah
Ram Marc: nyeh
Ram Marc: kilala q un
adrian Tan: kasi ang galing niya
Ram Marc: mamaw un mag rason eh
adrian Tan: kaaway siya ng lahat ng theo prof sa eng building
Ram Marc: qng magbigay ba nmn ng simpleng tanung na "Is everything good always right?"
Ram Marc: amfufu
adrian Tan: alam mo kung bakit?
Ram Marc: bkt
adrian Tan: kasi...
adrian Tan: na disprove niya si GOD, bible, at suma theologica
Ram Marc: well ganun talga ang mangyayari qng magaling ka sa logic
Ram Marc: its inevitable
adrian Tan: kasi naman eh...ang dami kayang flaws sa religion
Ram Marc: as do all
adrian Tan: hindi! religion dapat hindi flawed dba! kasi nga GOD IS PERFECT
adrian Tan: perfect being siya dba
adrian Tan: bkit ang daming flaws...
Ram Marc: perfect nga.. religion nya hindi
Ram Marc: puta erehe pilibustero na tayo
Ram Marc: yeah!
adrian Tan: so kung mali religion niya..then why follow?
Ram Marc: wag ka na lang maingay.. maxado pang maaga para ma kick out ka sa UST
adrian Tan: why join if we already know it's wrong
adrian Tan: wahahaha
Ram Marc: Our religion is very flawed.. We even have dark secrets that could shake the very foundations of our religion
adrian Tan: i refuse to believe in nonsense...
adrian Tan: ahaha
Ram Marc: cge marami pa nmng religion dyan sa tabi tabi eh
adrian Tan: they all suck
Ram Marc: eto sagot... gumawa ka sarili mong relihiyon
adrian Tan: i don't want to
Ram Marc: tanism
adrian Tan: wahaha
adrian Tan: kasi naman eh pwede naman hindi magkaroon ng religion
adrian Tan: ahaha
Ram Marc: apelyido q me definition sa dictionary.. d pde maging religion yan haha
Ram Marc: search mo Onanism
adrian Tan: wahahah
adrian Tan: meron nga?
Ram Marc: dead serious man
adrian Tan: WTF
adrian Tan: ahahaha
adrian Tan: takte!
adrian Tan: ahahaha
adrian Tan: ayos!
Ram Marc: tapos ung ona meong din definition
Ram Marc: e2 meaning... 1. Masturbation.
Ram Marc: powta
adrian Tan: hindiiiii malupit onanism
adrian Tan: wahahaha
Ram Marc: takteng apelyido yan
adrian Tan: ahahaha
Ram Marc: masturbation ibigsabihin
adrian Tan: ahahaha
Ram Marc: the little joys and irony of life
adrian Tan: Tanzim is a faction of the Palestinian Fatah movement.
Ram Marc: powtek aztig nmn

Yes I know. I'm already becoming an idiot XD

Mind Boggling

2009-02-06T23:10:00.006+08:00

Once more I sit in this chair
With a piece of paper and a pen
Looking at the paper I'm holding
It's full of purity... A complete blank

So I try to pass time
To avoid complete boredom
Walk, stare, jump
All this just to pass time

Then, an idea came...
A question that intrigued me for a while
Why do I continue to write
When no one else seems to read

Why do I waste my time with this senseless facts
When all of this are of no importance
Why, why, why...
It's because... It's my thing...

This is my hobby
Senseless or not, I don't care
This is what makes me somebody
And not like the rest of the mundane society

It's not bad to be different
Everyone want's to be different
You, me, everyone
We all want to be unique

Though I don't like keep my ideas to myself
I rather let someone else read it
To maybe appreciate it or criticize it
It's up to the reading audience

So another night ends with this
An answer to a senseless question
So why do I keep writing even though it's turning crap?
It's because I love it...

Whether what I write is good or crap
I'll keep writing for it's what I love to do...

They say....

2009-02-02T21:51:00.002+08:00

They say I'm nothing without her
That I'm worthless without someone as her
They say she was like a treasure
Yet I just threw it like trash
They say it's all my fault
And that I did nothing to apologize...

What do they know?
All of them took her side and not mine
They rather listen to a babbling fool
Than someone who actually speaks with sense
She's not a treasure for me anymore
Heck, she's not even worth anything anymore...

I rather live my life without her
Rather than wreck my own fate
I lived for years without someone very important in life
Losing her would not be any different
I rather walk this path alone
At least I'm happier at my own content

They say I'm a fool to let her go
That she was the only one in my life
To hell with what they say
I don't love her and that's final
I may be a fool
But I'm happy as it is... very happy indeed

So I may see her once in a while
We'll just ignore ourselves as we go along
Sure it's hard to forget her
But having friends and family is much better
There may be a lot of fools that take her side
But what do they know? they're only pitiful fools...